Princess of Silence
by ryanzraindrop
Summary: Sirius has a twin sister who is a selective mute. There are secrets in their family that shouldn't be unearthed, friendships to make, and hearts to break. Dark Subjects
1. First Year, First Fight

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters. If I did, there would be much more sex than there is in the books. ::sigh:: Unfortunately, J.K. Rowling owns them. Don't sue me. I a penny, shoes, and the fifth Harry Potter book. You won't get much.**

**Warning: Throughout the story there are going to be dark subjects. Rape, slash, incest, self-mutilation, suicidal tendencies, depression, etc.**

PRINCESS OF SILENCE

CHAPTER ONE: FIRST YEAR, FIRST FIGHT

"Black, Bellatrix." Professor McGonagall read. The pretty raven-haired girl confidently sat down. The hat had barely touched her head when it shrieked—

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Black, Sabriel." Another black-haired child stepped forward, this one a boy. He, too, seemed to carry an air of confidence, as well as arrogance.

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Black, Serenity." The entire Great Hall was whispering. _Three Blacks?_ This girl, however, was nervous. The hat rested on her head for a moment.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The applause was immediately halted when Professor McGonagall read the fourth name on her list. "Black, Sirius."

"GRYFFINDOR!"

When they were eating it was James Potter who asked the question. "So, are you guys, like, quadruplets or something?"

"Triplets." Sirius answered promptly. "Me, Serenity and Sabriel. Bella's our cousin." Serenity said nothing, just looked at James briefly before continuing to eat

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Lily Evans heard the girl crying. Their only other roommate was sleeping soundly, so it was Lily that stood up and whispered to the darkness. "Serenity?" Immediately the crying ceased. "Serenity?" When Lily gently opened up the drapes around the girl's bed, Serenity was expertly faking sleep.

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The next morning at breakfast, Serenity showed now signs that she had heard Lily the night before. She was quietly eating toast and fidgeting.

The morning owls swooped through. A red envelope landing directly between Sirius and Serenity. The boy cursed and Serenity began biting her fingernails. "You didn't do anything, through." James protested quietly.

"'Course I did." Sirius said as the envelope started to smoke. He reached into his robes. "I'm not in Slytherin."

"SIRIUS ORION! SERENITY OLIVIA! I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO—"

"_Silencio._" Sirius muttered, pointing his wand at the Howler. It continued to move, but no sound emerged.

Lily Evans dropped her spoon. "But a Silencing Charm is O.W.L. level." she croaked.

"Yeah, and it's the first word I learned." Sirius said, it coming out more angrily than he meant for it to. "If you lived with my mother you'd know it to."

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Transfiguration was the first class of the day. Serenity sat beside Lily, behind Sirius and James. The former kept turning to look at her every thirty seconds or so, as if he was afraid she might have disappeared.

The typical desk into a pig spell was showed. Then Professor McGonagall set them on the task of turning a match into a need. She walked about the room, checking on her students' progress.

Serenity was doing the proper wand movement, but she wasn't speaking the incantation. "Miss Black, you need to _say_ the words." McGonagall said at the same time Serenity's match turned into a needle. McGonagall's eyes widened. "Have you always been able to do magic without words, Miss Black?" Serenity looked up at her and started biting her nails. "Miss Black?"

"Professor?" Sirius said.

"In a moment, Mr. Black."

"Professor, Serenity doesn't talk." Sirius said quietly, looking at his sister.

Professor McGonagall turned. "Mr. Black, I told you—" Then what Sirius had said registered. "She doesn't speak?" Sirius shook his head. "Miss Black, is this true?" The girl, who had been examining her needle, nodded without interest. "But, we would have _know_ if she were a mute. If this is your idea of a joke, Mr. Black—"

"She's a _selective_ mute." Sirius interrupted, painfully aware of the fact that now the entire class knew. "She hasn't talked for two years. _When IT started,_ he thought miserably.

Professor McGonagall seemed to have resumed her calm demeanor. "Well, as it doesn't seem to hider her ability to perform magic . . ." She waved her hand at the class. "Carry on. Five points to Gryffindor, Miss Black."

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After the first month of classes, Serenity's true colors began to show, something that tickled James and Sirius pink, made Remus fight to turn laughs into coughs, and made Lily frown. Serenity was very much Sirius' triplet, it just took her longer to adapt to new situations.

After getting kicked out of the hospital wing with James, ("Honestly, Madam Pomfrey, I'm really worried Serenity's losing her voice.") the raven-haired girl got in her first fight, with none other than her cousin.

James and Serenity plopped down next to Sirius and Remus, near the lake's edge. James was grinning.

"Well, if it isn't my two _Gryffindor_ cousins." The four looked up to see Bellatrix with a group of Slytherins, among them: Sabriel, a second-year named Lucius Malfoy; and a black-haired boy from their Potions class, Severus Snape.

"Go away, Bella." Sirius said impatiently.

"You ought to be nicer to me, Sirius, for all we're family." Bellatrix said coolly.

"Unfortunately." Sirius said calmly.

Bellatrix smiled and turned to look at Sirius' sister. "Nothing to say, Serenity?" she asked, a cruel smile forming on her lips.

"I'm warning you, Bella." Sirius said, standing up and pulling out his wand. James followed suit. Remus, however, stayed sitting next to Serenity, his hand inside his robes, fingers clutched around his wand.

"Tell me, Serenity," Bellatrix said, ignoring Sirius; everyone with her had pulled out their

own wands, "how does it feel to be dumb _and_ stupid?"

Sirius raised his wand to curse her, but Serenity was quicker. In a few seconds she had throw herself at Bellatrix and had already given her a black eye.

Professor McGonagall had just come outside to tell of a few fifth years for terrorizing some first years. "What on earth?" she gasped, crossing the grounds.

Serenity spat in Bellatrix's face. "Stupid slut!" the Slytherin screamed.

Sirius forgot that Professor McGonagall was ten feet away from them, forgot there were five wands pointing a him. His anger at Bellatrix outweighed his logic. He pointed his wand at her.

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"Explain yourselves." Professor McGonagall demanded, glaring at the four students in front of her desk. Bellatrix had already been sent to her Head of House's office.

"Bella commented on Serenity voice problem." Sirius said in a calm voice. "Something about 'dumb and stupid'. Serenity attacked her, Bella called her a slut, and I cursed Bella. James and Remus didn't do anything."

Serenity was sitting in a chair with her arms crossed, her expression livid. Her hair was messed up from Bellatrix defending herself. She was mouthing curse words and glaring at Professor McGonagall.

"Fine. Potter, Lupin, you may go." After the two boys had left, McGonagall glared at the two triplets. "Do you two have anything to say for yourselves?"

"She deserved everything she got." Sirius said defiantly.

"Ten points from Gryffindor and detention."

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**So, did you all like? I hope you did. Please R&R. There are six more chapters to come, (they're written but not typed) and if I don't get a lot of feedback, I won't bother posting. Not to be mean, I just don't want to post if no one will read. **

**This chapter was very tame compared the to the next few chapters.**

**Here's a preview of CHAPTER TWO: THE SILENCE OF TEARS:**

_Serenity stumbled into Transfiguration class fifteen minutes late, having complete missed History of Magic. There was a tear in the seam of her robes, her hair was a mess, and there was a cut on her left cheek._

_Professor McGonagall's hand flew to her mouth as Sirius leapt out of his seat. Serenity only wore that expression when . . ._

_He ran to the front of the classroom just in time to catch his sister as she fainted._


	2. The Silence of Tears

Disclaimer: Same as always. Unfortunately, I don't own Harry Potter. You can tell, because the books aren't racy enough.

Author's Note: Serenity will mouth words in this (and later) chapters. When someone says something quotes like this [""] are used. When she mouths a word these are used [''] and it's written in italics. When she writes something the same thing is used. Thanks!

Chapter Two: The Silence of Tears

Serenity paid the witch for the Chocolate Frogs and flopped back down in her seat. James and Remus exchanged the briefest of glances before James asked tentatively, "Everything go fine over the summer?"

"Yeah." Sirius lied. "Family get-together was a bit of a drag though." He looked at his sister who was staring out the window, pretending not to hear them. "Bella and Serenity got into it again. Then Narcissa had to open _her_ mouth."

"Who's Narcissa?" Remus asked.

"My _darling_ baby cousin." Sirius said sarcastically. "Bella's sister. Spoiled little brat. She and Andromeda'll be first years. They're twins."

Serenity looked away from the window at the same time Bellatrix and Lucius passed their compartment. She clucked her tongue angrily as Sirius put his hand on his wand.

"What about your summers?" Sirius asked after the pair ha passed and he released his wand. "Anything interesting?"

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_". . . So put me on, don't be meek,_

_And I'll look deep inside._

_When I find what it is I seek_

_I'll put you with your kind."_

The Great Hall erupted with applause, which died away when Professor McGonagall unrolled her list of names. "Black, Andromeda."

A pretty girl with light blonde hair stepped forward. The hate was placed on her head and then—

"RAVENCLAW!" The girl happily went to join the cheering table.

"Black, Narcissa." And identical girl stepped forward.

"Damn, there's a lot of you." James whispered to Sirius.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, and I've got two more sisters, another brother, and three more cousins." he whispered back.

"SLYTHERIN!"

Narcissa haughtily walked to the Slytherin table and sat down beside her cousin.

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In Potions the next day, Serenity disposed of some of the anger she had displayed on the train. Professor Curtaine had 'written' out the instructions for a Hysterics Potion on the board. Remus and Serenity had no problem with the potion. It was when a Ravenclaw fifth year – Professor Curtaine was the Ravenclaw Head of House – came to speak with him and he stepped out in the corridor that hell broke loose.

"Nice summer, Black?" Bellatrix snapped at Sirius. "Other than Aunt Catherine threatening to disown you, I mean?"

"Yeah, I was really disappointed when she didn't." Sirius replied smoothly. "Then I wouldn't be related to _you_ anymore."

Serenity giggled. The almost voice-like sound momentarily stunned everyone in the room.

Bellatrix recovered first. "Think something's funny, Serenity? Of course, you couldn't tell me if you did." she added cuttingly.

Serenity smiled and stirred her potion. Then she picked up the spoon and flung some of the potion at her cousin. Bellatrix laughed. That laugh quickly turned into shrieks of mirth. She slipped out of her chair and continued cackling, tears running out of her eyes.

Professor Curtaine finally stepped back into the room. "How hass—" He took in the surroundings of the room. "What on earth? Miss Black?" Serenity looked up, but he was addressing the giggling girl on the ground. "What happened?"

Serenity continued to stir the potion, caught Remus' eyes, and managed to suppress another giggle.

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"You really shouldn't have done that." Lily said to Serenity after class. "If you would have thrown too much at her—"

"Would it have been fatal?" Sirius interrupted eagerly.

Lily sighed. "When are you going to grow up?"

"Never." Sirius said, pretending to be mortified and offended.

"I'm not going to grow up!" James shrieked, eyes wide in mock terror. "You can't make me!" The four of them laughed as Lily stormed off down the hallway. "We're twelve." James whined. "Who wants to grow up when they're twelve?"

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Serenity had folded about ten miniature paper airplanes in Transfiguration while McGonagall demonstrated how to turn animals into water goblets. One by one, she flicked them off the edge of the desk where they began to zoom around the ceiling in circles.

Soon, everyone but Lily and Remus (though hardly) was watching Serenity's parade of paper airplanes. "Miss Black!" Professor McGonagall snapped once she realized what her class was paying attention to. Serenity was conducting the airplanes to fly in other shapes now, and had just gotten finished with a heart, when she looked at McGonagall innocently. "Do you find this amusing, Miss Black?"

Serenity nodded promptly.

"Detention." the teacher said in an exasperated voice.

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"No fair." James complained as he added another tally mark next to Serenity's name. "She's beating us again." he said to Sirius, who had been miming throwing his quill at the back of Lily's head.

"She WHAT?" he yelled, loudly enough that more than a few people looked in their direction, including a very annoyed Lily.

"She's beating us again. She's got 107, I've got 88, you've got 91." He looked at Remus who was listening to them with mild interest while reading a chapter in his Charms book. "You're losing." James said. "You've only got . . ." He paused for dramatic effect. "Four."

Remus looked up and smiled. "Damn. And after _all_ my hard work . . ."

"You're hard work?" Sirius cried hysterically, too worked up to notice Remus' sarcasm. "We jinxed the suits of armor to march through the Great Hall playing bagpipes and we're losing! All Serenity did was make airplanes fly in circles!"

James and Remus laughed. The portrait hole opened and Serenity breezed in, plopping down next to Remus. "What did you do?" Sirius asked, eyes narrowed, praying it was a terrible punishment. After all, _she_ was beating _them_.

Serenity pantomimed writing with the quill she stole from James. "Lines?" he asked, taking his quill back from her. "You're up to 107." he added grudgingly.

Serenity nodded happily and dug her homework out of her bag. Before she opened her Charms book, however, she wrote hurriedly on a piece of parchment.

"Dumbledore wants you to learn sign language?" Sirius asked as he read the note his sister had passed him.

Serenity snatched the note back and wrote more underneath. '_But even if I learned sign language,'_ she wrote, _'no one but the teachers would know what I was saying anyway.'_

"So did you tell him no or what?" James asked. Serenity nodded.

"You said no to the _Headmaster_?" Lily gasped, spinning around. She had been listening to their halfway conversation and looked completely appalled and shocked.

Serenity rolled her eyes, James laughed, Remus busied himself with his Charms essay, and Sirius glared at her. "Mind your own business." he snapped. "And you're wrong anyway. She didn't _say_ anything to Dumbledore." Lily brushed crimson and turned around.

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Serenity left the Great Hall the next morning, alone. She had forgotten her Charms homework in Gyrffindor Tower. She had just reached the staircase when she felt hands latch onto her arms and drag her down the corridor, into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

"I told you she wouldn't scream." Bellatrix said gleefully, pinning her cousin to the wall. Serenity struggled hopelessly.

"You were right, Bella." said an amused voice from behind the two girls. Serenity's eyes widened when she saw the two boys behind Bellatrix: Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy. The latter was holding something in his hand.

Lucius moved toward Serenity and pressed a button on the thin, black object. A blade flew out, half an inch from her face. "Not that we would have to worry about you saying anything, but just in case." He ran the wrong side of the blade along her cheek.

"And we'll pay a visit to Sirius as well, if any of this gets out." Bellatrix spat in her cousin's face and then released her, going to stand by Severus. Both of them had their arms crossed and expressions of grim satisfaction on their faces.

Serenity closed her eyes and silently began to cry as Lucius started undoing her robes.

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Serenity stumbled into Transfiguration class fifteen minutes late, having completely missed History of Magic. There was a tear in the seam of her robes, her hair was a mess, and there was a cut on her left cheek.

Professor McGonagall's hand flew to her mouth and Sirius leapt out of his seat. Serenity only wore that expression when . . .

He ran to the front of the classroom just in time to catch his sister as she fainted.

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When Serenity woke up, she could hear Sirius' yells. "She's _my_ sister and I have the right to stay with her!" he yelled angrily.

"This is a hospital wing, Mr. Black." Serenity cracked her eyes open. Sirius was fighting with Madam Pomfrey. "Your sisters need quiet and—Hello, Professor Dumbledore." she said, for the headmaster had just come up behind Sirius, who turned around indignantly.

"Professor, I _need_ to see my sister. I _have_ to be there when she wakes up!" Dumbledore nodded calmly. Sirius lowered his voice. "I have to."

Serenity clucked her tongue heatedly as she sat up. Sirius practically flew to her bedside. "Are you okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he rummaged around in his school bag until he produced a quill and a piece of parchment. He shoved the two at her. "What happened?" he demanded.

Madame Pomfrey made to move toward the two, but Dumbledore stopped her with a minor shake of his head. He pressed a finger to his lips and surveyed the scene with interest.

Serenity pressed the quill to the paper and prepared to lie to Sirius for the first time in her life. _'Dueling.'_ she wrote.

Sirius read the paper. "I don't believe you." he said crossly. "Try the truth, Serenity."

_'I am telling the truth.'_ she scribbled.

"You were _dueling_ through History of Magic and part of Transfiguartion? If you're going to lie, lie with conviction." Sirius snapped. "I _know_ what happed, so just the time and tell me _who_!"

_'What do you think happened?'_

"You know damn well what I think." Sirius hissed, unaware of the school nurse and the Headmaster watching them.

'_No, I don't. I was dueling with Bella. We knocked each other out.'_ There was no sound except for the scratch of the quill and Sirius' erratic breathing. _'She didn't show up for her first class either. Check if you don't believe me.'_

A muscle twitched in Sirius' cheek. "I don't care if Bella missed class!" he yelled. "That just means she was involved somehow! Don't play games with me, Serenity. I know that look on your face too well. You only look that way when IT happens!"

Serenity gritted her teeth. _'Fuck you.'_ Tears flooded her eyes. _Fuck you._

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Sirius cornered Bellatrix after supper. "What the hell did you do to her?"

Bellatrix's blue eyes flashed. "To whom?" she asked venomously.

"Serenity, you bitch!" Sirius yelled, oblivious to the fact that Professor McGonagall was now crossing the Great Hall to where Sirius had his cousin against the wall.

"What don't you ask her?" Bellatrix snapped as Professor McGonagall swooped down on them.

"My office, Mr. Black."

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"What on earth could possess you to scream at her in front of the entire school like that?! I know you don't get along with her, but you seem to make it a point to attack her." Professor McGonagall said as Sirius chewed his tongue and glared at her.

"She had something to do with Serenity." he said, eyes slits.

"How do you know that?" Professor McGonagall asked, her voice losing some of it's edge.

"Bella didn't show up to any of her classes, either. And Serenity said something in the infirmary . . ."

"She _said_ something?"

"You know what I mean." Sirius said irritably.

"Mr. Black, if you know something about your sister, you need to tell someone." McGonagall said.

Sirius crossed his arms and scowled. "I don't know anything about today."

"Think of your sister, Sirius." McGonagall said.

_Sirius? Oh gods, she's serious. Well, so am I._ "I am thinking of Serenity." he said coolly. "That's why I can't tell you anything." He clapped his hands over his mouth. _Oh shit._

"Mr. Black, come with me." Minerva McGonagall said, standing up. She lead Sirius straight to the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office. "Acid Pop." she said.

Once inside, Dumbledore surveyed the pair of them over his half-moon glasses. "Professor McGonagall, Mr. Black. I thought you were with your sister." he added to the latter.

"Madame Pomfrey chucked me out for throwing an ink bottle." Sirius said, arms crossed, glaring at everything in Professor Dumbledore's office.

"That's what I brought him for, Professor." Sirius looked at McGonagall in shock. "No, not the ink bottle, Black." She looked at Dumbledore. "I believe Mr. Black has information concerning his sister's condition that he's neglecting to disclose."

Sirius' scowl became more pronounced. "All right, Minerva." Dumbledore said. "I'll handle it." After McGonagall left, Dumbledore gestured to chair in front of his desk. "Sit down, Mr. Black." Sirius flopped into the chair.

"Is what Professor McGonagall said true?"

Sirius scowled at the ceiling. "Maybe _I_ should have become a selective mute." he muttered.

"I saw you talking to your sister in the hospital wing, Sirius." Dumbledore said softly.

Sirius looked at him. "You have my attention, Professor."

"Well, I'm correct in assuming your sister told you she was dueling?"

Sirius nodded.

"With your cousin Bellatrix?"

Another nod.

"After that, I'm afraid you lost me, Mr. Black." Dumbledore said apologetically. "You stated that you knew what happened and you wanted to know whom inflicted it. Then you stated Serenity only looked a particular way when 'it' happened. You may understand why I was confused. And, of course, I was unable to hear your sister's response." He smiled softly.

"Serenity's the only other person in that house who's sane." Sirius said. "That's why we trust each other. People don't understand her because she doesn't talk. All they want to know is _why_. I have to take care of Serenity, Professor. That's why I can't tell you why she won't talk and why she's in the hospital wing. Serenity's got nothing but me and doesn't trust anyone but me and there's no way I'm going to change that." Sirius said stubbornly.

"Sirius, if something is going on in that house, we can fix it." Dumbledore said quietly.

"No idea what you're talking about." Sirius lied. "Unless you mean my parents being what they are and, no offense, but I don't think _anyone_ can change that." _Nobody can fix it! Serenity can't tell and neither can I._

Dumbledore surveyed him for a moment and then signed. "You may go. Go to the hospital wing and tell Madam Pomfrey to come to my office, please. You may stay with your sister as long as you refrain from throwing ink bottles."

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Remus and James were sitting with Serenity when Sirius delivered Dumbledore's message to the school nurse. Then he hurried to the side of Serenity's bed where Remus was sitting. "You okay?"

Serenity nodded. _'Fine.'_ she mouthed. She gestured to James who handed her a goblet of pumpkin juice. She took a drink and handed it back to him. _'Thanks.'_

"I've just come from Dumbledore's office." Sirius said softly.

Serenity turned to look at him and started mouthing swear words. James looked at Sirius with his eyes wide. Remus look alternately between sister and brother, frowning slightly.

"I didn't tell him anything." Sirius said. "But you better change your mind about telling me what _really_ happened between you and Bell and whoever else there was or I might change my mind." Sirius said heatedly.

"What happened with Bellatrix?" James inquired. "Is she the one who did this to you?" he asked Serenity.

Serenity continued to stare at Sirius. She ran a hand across her neck like a blade, then clucked her tongue.

Sirius turned to James. "I don't know what happened between her and Bella because first she lied to me and now she won't tell me anything." Sirius snapped.

Madame Pomfrey bustled into the room and then into her office. "All right, you three. Out."

Remus and James scooped up their bags and walked toward the door, but Sirius didn't budge. "Why?" he demanded. "What exactly are you going to do?"

Madame Pomfrey leaned in close to Serenity, ignoring Sirius. "The headmaster wants you checked for internal damage, dear."

Serenity's eyes grew wide as Sirius' grew dark. Serenity grabbed her brother's arm and tried to scramble out of the bed. "You can't do that!" Sirius yelled, not noticing when Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore cam into the room. James and Remus had left.

"You can't do that!" Sirius repeated. "Do you know what would happen if he found out?" Tears were standing in his eyes as Serenity finally got out of the bed and hid behind her brother.

"If who found out, Mr. Black?" Minerva McGongall asked, walking to the bed.

Sirius didn't answer her. Instead he turned around and started talking to Serenity, who was near tears. He hugged her. "It's okay, Serenity. It's going to be fine. I'll take care of it. Don't worry."

Madame Pomfrey felt a lump rising in her throat. _No twelve year old should ever have to sound that mature, _she though. _Never._

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"Sirius, Serenity." Dumbledore said in a grave tone. "This is very important. Unless one of you states what is going on in that house, we have no other choice to but to examine Miss Black. We are bound to perform certain procedures if we suspect a child of being endangered."

"And her not talking didn't tip you off?" Sirius snapped as his sister continued to cry in the chair next to him.

"Serenity always seemed to be happy most of the time, until recently." Professor McGonagall said. "What you said in my office merely made more sense of why she isn't happy now."

Sirius gritted his teeth. "If you already know, why do I have to say it?"

"Confirmation." Minerva stated simply.

"Screw confirmation! I don't care about some damn protocol, it's my sister I'm worried about!" Sirius yelled, standing up.

"This is precisely why we're asking you to confirm what happened." Dumbledore said softly. "You aren't the only who is worried about your sister, Sirius."

Serenity started clucking her tongue and grabbed Sirius' arm, wrenching hi back down into his seat. She pointed first at her mouth, then her ears. "I know." Sirius said softly. "I'm sorry." He looked at McGonagall, whose eyebrows were raised. "She says that just because she doesn't talk doesn't mean she can't hear."

Serenity made more motions, clucking her tongue through her tears. "Serenity, we can't." More motions. "You know what he said would happen if we told." More motions. "_What?"_ More motions. "Jesus Christ, Serenity!"

Serenity pointed to Dumbledore and McGonagall. Her message could not have been more plain. _Tell them._

Sirius took a deep breath. "Our dad's been . . ." He paused and looked at Serenity who now had her arms crossed. "He's been raping us—I mean her!" Sirius clapped his hands over his mouth. "Fuck." The word was muffled by his hand, but everyone understood perfect.

"Serenity." Sirius said, as if in a trance, as if trying to convince himself, not the people surrounding him. "Just Serenity. Not us, not me, just Serenity." But the words had already been spoken.

"What about your brothers and sisters?" McGonagall asked softly. "Has your father ever . . ."

Serenity shook her head and looked at Sirius, who had buried his face in his hands. She moved toward him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't!" He pushed her away as his voice cracked. Serenity aught a glimpse of his face at the same time the two adults did.

Sirius was crying.

_It's so hard to be someone_

_And struggle for today_

_And I'm watching you slip away._

_-The GooGoo Dolls_

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**All right. That's Chapter Two. Thanks for the people who responded. It's so nice to get feedback. I have seven chapters written and I'm currently working on the eighth. I will add up to five and if I get no feedback I will stop. It's hard to type.**

**Author's Note: I was mute at the mall for about three hours, to study how well people could understand me. It was for pure research. Hard as hell, let me tell you. I'm also going to be mute at school the day after tomorrow. I feel bad for Serenity. However, Sirius can understand her, and I'm assuming my friends will understand me better than my mother.**

**He's the sneak peek of CHAPTER THREE: TESTIMONY:**

_"My dad hits me and Serenity."_

_James and Remus exchanged glances, as if they knew there was more to the story. "I'm sorry." James said softly. Remus put his arm around Serenity, who had silently started to cry again. He was whispering quietly to her._

_"It's nothing." Sirius said, waving off James' apology._

_"Yeah, it is." James said firmly. "Your dad hitting you is pretty damn serious." Sirius looked at the desk. "And McGonagall suggested foster care? That's pretty thick."_

_Now Sirius was starting to get mad. "Do you expect us to go back there?" he snapped._

_"'Course not." James said. "I expect you to go tell McGonagall you and Serenity are coming to stay with me."_


	3. Testimony

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but if I did there would be a lot more sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, rape, etc, etc, so it's probably a good thing I DON'T own Harry Potter because I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be fun for the whole family. Hmmm . . ._

_Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update guys. I can only type on my mother's weekends because my dad and stepmom might read my stuff which, as you can note, is NOT a good thing. At the moment I am working on Chapter Ten, but updating with three._

_There is a made up statistic in this chapter that concerns foster parents. I mean absolutely no offense by this statement. It is made up and used simply as persuasion. If I offend anyone, I am very sorry. It was not my intention. God, I sound like Janet Jackson._

_Remember that when people think it's in italics. When Serenity 'speaks' it's written like this 'I speak'. LOL. Don't be confused. I know it's hard._

CHAPTER THREE: TESTIMONY

"Miss Black," Minerva began softly, "how long has this been going on?"

Serenity held up three fingers as she continued to gaze at Sirius, tears in her amethyst eyes.

"Three years?" Dumbledore asked softly.

Serenity nodded as silent tears began to fall down her cheeks. _'Talk to me.' _she mouthed at Sirius' sobbing figure..

"Serenity, is that when you stopped talking?" the headmaster asked in the same quiet voice.

"Yes." That came from Sirius, who sat up and wipe furiously at his face with the sleeve of his robes. "Serenity stopped talking when that bastard told her if she screamed he'd fuck me." His face was hardened in anger. "But I found out and after he was done he said he'd kill Serenity if I told. He know _I_ had no problem talking." Sirius spat out bitterly. "Bastard."

"Does anyone in your house know? Your mother perhaps?" Minerva asked gently.

"Mum?" Sirius asked incredulously as Serenity sat down and started clucking her tongue. "Yeah, Mum knows. She doesn't care, either. Because it us, you know. Not Sabriel or Godiva or Athena or _precious_ Regulus."

"Does anyone else know?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

"Everyone else in that bloody family. It's like it's some big secret., more like a standing joke." Sirius muttered.

"What about the incident earlier today?" the headmaster inquired.

Sirius looked expectantly at Serenity who seemed to be debating whether or not to tell him. Then she mad a few timid motions.

"I don't care what the hell Bella said." Sirius said coldly. Serenity made some more emotions. "I don't care what _anyone_ said."

Serenity sighed as if she had no choice and began to tell the story through motions that held no meaning for Dumbledore or McGonagall, but seemed to make perfect sense to Sirius. He clenched his teeth and balled his hands into fists.

"What did she say, Sirius?" Minerva asked softly, once Serenity had stopped making motions.

"She's lying." Sirius said angrily. "She keeps saying she was dueling with Bellatrix, which isn't true." Serenity glared at him and Sirius turned to her. "And you can stop looking at me like that, Miss _Thing._ It's not my fault you're so stubborn."

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When Sirius and Serenity entered the common room around midnight, Remus and James were waiting by the fire. "What happened?" James asked.

"Talked to Dumbledore and McGonagall." Sirius said dully.

Serenity crossed the room to go sit by Remus, who looked worried. "No, but what happened?" he asked. "You know, the incident today?"

"Serenity still hasn't told me." Sirius said, casting a dirty look at his sister.

"So, you're telling us," James began, "that you talked to McGonagall and Dumbledore for, oh, three and half hours and all you talked about was _not_ knowing what happened earlier?"

"That's not all we talked about." Sirius snapped. "We talked about . . . other stuff." He sat down tiredly in the chair opposite James.

"What 'other stuff'?" James asked suspiciously.

"Bella." Sirius lied promptly.

"Yeah, right." James said. "Even _you_ can't gripe about your cousin for three hours. Try the truth."

"We talked about Bella." Sirius repeated.

"I don't see how you can stay mad at Serenity for lying," Remus said quietly, "when you're guilty of the same crime."

He expected Sirius to flare up. What he did _not_ expect was for Sirius to turn away and stare at the fire, biting his bottom lip. "You wouldn't understand." he whispered.

James and Remus exchanged look. "Sirius?" James asked softly. "Is it something really bad?"

"Yeah." the boy answered softly.

"Does it have to do with Serenity _and_ you?"

"Uh-huh."

"But you told Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded.

"Then you don't _have_ to tell us." James said finally. "You can trust us though, Sirius. And you, too, Serenity. We'll be ready whenever you are."

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Sirius and Serenity were on tenterhooks all weekend, worrying about what was going to happen. And even though he longed to jinx Bellatrix to Hades and back, he avoided her for his sister's sake.

Andromeda came up to her cousins, James and Remus when they were all outside Saturday afternoon. "Sirius, could I have a word with you?" the Ravenclaw first year asked. "Alone?"

"Yeah, sure." Sirius said standing up and following her about twenty feet away from his friends. "What's up?"

"I've just come from Professor Dumbledore's office," she said quietly, "where Professor McGonagall practically interrogated me." Sirius made no movement. "She asked me all sorts of question about you and Serenity and the kids." She lowered her voice and Sirius could tell she was fighting tears. "She asked if I'd ever seen your dad _touch_ any of you." She looked up at him. "What happened?"

Sirius hesitated. Normally he wouldn't have had any problem lying, but Andromeda was one of the only other sane members of his family. He decided to pull a halfway lie. After all, his cousin was eleven. She didn't need details.

"I told her about Dad hitting us."

Andromeda's eyes filled with tears. "He hits you? Oh, Sirius. That's terrible."

Sirius hugged her gently. "Calm down, Andromeda. It's fine. It was nothing major and McGonagall knows now, so it's going to be okay." He held her at arm's length and smiled softly. "Okay?"

Andromeda nodded and wiped at her eyes. "Okay." she whispered.

When Sirius and his cousin parted a few minutes later and Sirius began walking toward the other three, Sirius and Remus shut up immediately, leaving no doubt that they had been talking about him only minutes before.

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"They don't know what to do other than foster care." Sirius whispered to serenity before James and Remus sat down.

"What about foster care?" James asked, sitting down beside his best friend.

Sirius jerked his head up to look at him, eyes wide. "You weren't supposed to hear that."

"Oops." James said in a voice that was mock apologetic. "Now what about foster care?"

Sirius looked from James to Remus, who was frowning slightly, to Serenity, who was still visibly upset by what her brother had just told her.

Sirius sighed and prepared to tell his two best friends the lie he had told Andromeda. "My dad hits me and Serenity."

James and Remus exchanged the briefest of glances, as if they knew there was more to the story. "I'm sorry." James said softly. Remus had put his arm around Serenity who had silently started to cry. He was whispering quietly to her.

"It's nothing." Sirius said, waving off James' apology.

"Yeah, it is." James said soberly. "Your dad hitting you is pretty dam serious." Sirius stared at the desk. "And McGonagall suggested foster care? That's pretty thick."

Sirius opened his mouth. "Do you expect us to go back there?" he snapped.

"'Course not." James said. "I expect you to go tell McGonagall you and Serenity are coming to stay with me."

Serenity stopped crying and looked at James. Remus was looking at him as well. "What?" Sirius asked, as if he had heard wrong.

"Oh, come off it." James said. "I'll send an owl to my parents tonight and ask, they'll write back tomorrow and say 'yes'." He looked at Sirius who was blinking. He seemed to think James was a dream and he would wake up in a few minutes. "Honestly." James said, shaking his head. "Look, I have the room at my house. My parents are great, they won't care. Do you seriously think I'd let you go to _foster care_?" He beckoned Sirius closer to him so Serenity wouldn't hear. "80 of foster dads are pedophiles." he whispered.

Sirius sat back. James almost felt guilty about the expression on his best friend's face, but convinced himself the made up statistic was intended with only the best of intentions.

"You really wouldn't mind if we . . ." Sirius gestured at himself and Serenity.

"Nope. Probably be fun actually. It's just me, Mum, and Dad, you know."

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James received an owl from his mother the next day. After reading it, he smiled triumphantly at Sirius. "What did I tell you?" He handed him the letter. Remus and Serenity leaned it to read it with him.

_James,_

_Of course Sirius and Serenity can stay here. You know your father and I would be happy to have them. You tell those two they have nothing to worry about. Send men an owl to let me know what your plans are for the holidays. You lot can stay there or come home. (Remus can come as well, if he wishes. I've had words with his mother.)_

_I am sending another letter for Professor McGonagall. Don't you dare open it, James Henry Potter._

_Love,_

_Mum_

Sirius looked up in time to see James opening another letter. "Damn." he muttered. He showed the other three.

_I told you not to open this letter, James. Now reseal it and give it to Professor McGonagall._

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"You wanted to see us, Professor?" Sirius asked as he and Serenity entered McGonagall's office.

"Yes. Sit down." McGonagall said. When the pair did, she continued talking. "I'm sure Mr. Potter has shared his offer of living arrangements with you."

"Yes." Sirius said.

"Did he tell you his mother's answer?"

Sirius and Serenity nodded in unison.

McGonagall sighed, her usually stern face softening a bit. She looked older. I'm afraid to say it's not quiet that easy. I'm certain you'll be able to stay with the Potters after a testimony."

"What do you mean by a testimony?" Sirius asked sharply.

"Your father is denying that he ever touched either you or Serenity. You would have to testify in front of a select group of the Wizengamot, that's the wizards' court. Serenity, you would have to write a testimony with a Truth Quill."

Sirius jaw trembled for a second until he seemed to get himself under control. "Would our dad be there?"

"No. You would not even be questioned in the courtroom. This would all take place in Professor Dumbledore's office. The few witches and wizards questioning you will be able to use your testimony in a Pensieve for the other members of the court. Professor Dumbledore and I would be present." McGonagall said all this briskly, but in a softer tone that she typically used.

"I'd have to tell them everything?" Sirius asked softly.

"Yes. I wish there were another way, but there isn't."

Sirius looked at McGonagall, face set. "All right. I'll do it. Serenity?"

The raven-haired twelve-year-old nodded slowly.

Two witches and a wizard were seated beside Dumbledore's desk. Minerva McGonagall was seated on the other side. Sirius was sitting in front of the headmaster's desk, while his sister scribbled furiously on a piece of parchment at a small table Dumbledore had conjured in the corner of the room. The headmaster was, of course, seated at his desk.

The first witch was in her early fifties. Her dark brown hair was streaked with gray and she wore thick glasses. This was Amelia Bones. The second witch was in her late thirties. She had brown hair as well, though without a touch of gray. She had a very pretty smile which she was not wearing at the moment. Her daughter, Rachel, was a third year at Hogwarts. This was Angela Lovegood. The wizard was in his early forties. He had a forbidding look on his face, along with a perfectly groomed mustache. This was Bartemius Crouch.

Amelia Bones asked the first round of questions. "Please state your full name."

"Sirius Orion Black." Serenity's brother's voice was flat, void of any emotion.

"And you are a second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, correct?"

"Yes."

"What house are you in?"

"Gryffindor."

Serenity was looking at Professor McGonagall with a look of confusion on her face. She had a smudge of ink on her left cheek. "Standard questions." McGonagall said in an undertone. Serenity went back to her affidavit.

Angel was doing the question now, struggling to keep emotion from her voice. What she really wanted to do was grab the two children in the office, hug them, and tell them everything would be okay.

"You stated to Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall three days ago, on the thirteenth of October, that your father was abusing you, correct?" she asked, as if the question were indifferent.

"Yes." Sirius said dully.

"And you also stated these crimes were sexual in nature, correct?"

Sirius looked at the floor. "Yes."

The wizard cut across Angela's gently question with a brusque voice. "Is what you said true?"

Sirius looked up angry. "No, I made it all up." he said sarcastically. "Of course it's true."

Serenity turned in her seat and started clucking her tongue furiously. The three interrogators turned to look at her, as did Professor McGonagall. Dumbledore, however, spoke to Angel, Amelia, and Bartemius.

"As I informed you, Serenity Black is a selective mute. Therefore, she had to find other ways to express her emotions." Dumbledore turned to McGonagall. "I believe that when Miss Black clucks her tongue she is angry. Correct, Professor McGonagall?"

"Yes." the Transfiguration teacher replied. The she walked over to the girl in question and began talking softly to her.

Sirius looked at her for a moment, but tore his eyes away when the questioning began again. Amelia looked at Sirius, after casting a not-so-subtle glare at her male colleague. "Sirius, has your father raped you and Serenity?"

Sirius looked at the floor again. "Yes."

"How long has this been occurring?" she asked sadly, already knowing the answer.

"Since Serenity's ninth birthday." Sirius said honestly, looking up now. "He started on me three months after."

"Why did he start raping you later?" Angela asked before she could stop herself.

"I found about Dad raping Serenity. He told her if she said anything about it to anyone he would rape me. Serenity hadn't told, but Dad raped me anyway." Sirius discovered that once he had started talking it was easier.

"And why didn't you tell anyone about this before now?"

"Dad said he'd kill Serenity if I told."

The questioning continued quite well--as well as it could go, anyway--until Angel asked if Sirius had told any of his friends ("No.") and Crouch had cut across in a sharp voice, "Are you ashamed of it?" His tone seemed to suggest Sirius ought to be.

Sirius dropped his gaze to the floor again and Serenity once more began clucking her tongue. She stood up so quickly she knocked over her chair. She started shaking her finger at Crouch mouthing swear words and curses. Fortunately, none of the curses occurred, Serenity's wand being in her robes.

Sirius looked at her. "Serenity, it's okay. Sit down." he said quietly. "It's fine. Just finish writing, okay?"

Serenity looked at him, sighed, and picked up her chair.

After the three interrogators regained their composure, Angela asked another question. "Has your father ever abused in your family besides you and Serenity?"

"No." Sirius answered bitterly.

"Has your father ever physically abused you or Serenity?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah.

The was a sharp intake of breath from Minerva and Serenity. Amelia looked at Sirius. "How long has the physical abuse been going on?"

"About ten years." Sirius said. "Give or take a couple months."

"And this abuse consists of . . ."

Sirius looked up, his voice stronger now. "Mostly slaps. He punches me, but not Serenity. He broke her wrist once, though."

"Does it happen a lot when you're home?"

"Yeah. A couple times a day." Sirius bit his bottom lip for a second. "More for me than Serenity. He fu- rapes her more, though."

_I didn't hear you leave._

_I wonder how am I still here._

_-Dido, 'Here with Me'_

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_So, what did you all think of Chapter Three? I changed a bunch of it last minute. I was going to make Sirius testify under Veritaserum, but then I decided I wanted him to have emotions during it. The next chapter is going to be more light-hearted. I felt really guilty about playing God and doing all these evil things to Sirius and Serenity, so I decided to take a quick break. Lots from Lily in the next chapter through. Don't worry, after Chapter Four it gets all angsty again._

_Please R&R. I can't stop this story now, but I really want responses. I am willing to take advice, but I don't know if I'd be able to work it in. Remember, I'm working on Chapter Ten. Bad things happen, weird things happen, I found a way to get rid of writer's block, but more about that in Chapter Ten._

_Here is a quick preview of CHAPTER FOUR: EVANS FOR HOLIDAY:_

_"Hey, Evans." James said to the redhead before Charms._

_She turned to look at him, annoyed. "What?"_

_"You're staying at Hogwarts for the hols."_

_"I _know_ that." Lily said._

_"Yeah, well, so are we." James said smoothly._

_"Point?"_

_"You need to work on your social skills, Evans." James teased. "You're acting like you don't like me."_

_The corners of Lily's mouth twitched, but she managed to keep herself from smiling. "Beg your pardon." Lily said sarcastically. "I would be much obliged if you could find it in your heart to _get to the point."


	4. Evans for Holiday

_Disclaimer: I do not, once again, own Harry Potter. If I did, I would put myself in the books and have sex with all the bad guys._

_Author's Note: Yes, this chapter is much more tame (?) that the previous three. There are a couple instances. It DOES have a very important line in it though. I didn't write a comedic chapter only for the hell of it. There IS a point._

_Oh, and guess what I found out. Serenity IS a real word, right? So, get this Serenity can mean 'quietness'. Cool, huh? I didn't even try to do that. Sorry, just an interesting tidbit._

_I also have to give credit to I can't remember her name, but she wrote PADFOOT PROHIBITED on I stole a 'prank' from her. I am giving complete credit to her, however, so please don't get pissed. If you like humor, you should all check out her story. I'm not a huge fan of humor, but she kicks ass._

CHAPTER FOUR: EVANS FOR HOLIDAY

It was two weeks later on an evening when Remus, James, and the two Blacks were sitting up at midnight laughing at one of James' jokes, that Professor McGonagall made a rare appearance in Gryffindor tower. "I thought I might catch you lot up." she said. "Miss Evans seems to keep complaining about it." The four could have sworn they saw a flicker of a smile on her face. "Mr. and Miss Black, you will be under the care of Mr. and Mrs. Potter. They will be signing documents tomorrow and will act as your legal guardians until you are of age. You two will come to my office tomorrow an eleven a.m. sharp. Now, go to bed." She left as suddenly as she came, but none of the four moved to get up.

James, who was grinning more that the others--barely--gave Sirius a high five. "You know what this means, don't you? We're going to be _brothers._"

"Oh, gods." Remus said, rolling his eyes heavenward. Serenity giggled at him, but the other two weren't paying an attention. Remus grinned at her and their eyes met and held for a moment. When they looked away, Serenity had the oddest feeling she had just missed something very important.

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The four signed up for the holidays at Hogwarts when the paper came around. Only one other person from Gryffindor had signed up.

"Hey, Evans." James said to the redhead before Charms.

She turned to look at him, annoyed. "What?"

"You're staying at Hogwarts for the hols."

"I _know_ that." Lily said.

"Yeah, well, so are we." James said smoothly.

"Point?"

"You need to work on your social skills, Evans." James teased. "You're acting like you don't like me."

The corners of Lily's mouth twitched, but she managed to keep herself from smiling. "Beg your pardon." Lily said sarcastically. "I would be much obliged if you could find it in your heart to _get to the point."_

Sirius grinned and covered his mouth with his hand before James saw him. Remus turned a laugh into a cough. Serenity made no attempt to disguise the fact that she was grinning from ear to ear. _'Oooohhh.'_

James glared at them. "You guys _suck_." Then he turned to Lily. "My _point_ is that I think we should call a sort of . . . truce . . . over the hols. You know, McGonagall would probably get pissed with we killed each other."

"Truce meaning?"

"We act civilized, Evans. You can practice your social skills." James said.

"I can hardly wait." Lily said as Professor Flitwick called the class to order.

"So, is that a yes?" James whispered.

Lily gave a curt nod before she began to take notes.

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Sirius and Serenity had their first confrontation with Bellatrix since the day the girl had dragged Serenity into the bathroom. "Aunt Catherine blasted you two off the family tree." she said in Potions, a nasty smile playing on her face as she looked at Serenity.

"Good." Sirius said. "Now I won't feel bad about hexing you if you don't leave Serenity the _hell_ alone."

Bellatrix spun around, her dark eyes flashing as Professor Curtaine called the class to order. Serenity was staring determinedly at her book, pretending to read it. Remus reach over and pun in 180 degrees, so that Serenity wasn't 'reading' it upside down. She smiled at him gratefully. He smiled back.

"Your potions have had the chance to mature for three days. Carry on." Professor Curtaine said. The instructions were on the board again.

It seemed Serenity and Sirius would be able to ignore their cousin until Bellatrix, who was making her potion with Severus, slowly picked up a knife. Serenity had looked up at exactly the wrong time. Bellatrix slid the wrong side of the knife down Severus' arm and smirked at Serenity.

Serenity's eyes went wide and she backed up, her hands in front of her. Remus abandoned their potion and grabbed his best friend by the shoulders. "What's wrong?" he asked in a low voice. By now, James and Sirius had hurried over to Remus and Serenity.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, pulling out his wand. He glanced at Bellatrix who was talking in a low voice to Severus as she added salamander blood to their potion.

Serenity shook her head.

"Is there a problem here?" Professor Curtaine asked, coming into view behind Remus, who immediately released Serenity.

Sirius' sister rubbed frantically at her eyes. "No, Professor." James said. "Serenity just got some olive juice in her eye."

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"Walk with Serenity to the Great Hall, okay?" Sirius asked James as he put some of their potion in a flask. "I'll catch up."

The bell rang and James muttered Sirius' message to Remus. They lead Serenity quickly of the dungeons. James had a feeling Sirius was going to do something she would be better of not seeing.

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"You'd better leave her alone, Bella." Sirius snarled, his wand pointed at her. "She's got enough to worry bout without you being a bitch." He had her cornered in the abandoned corridor outside the Great Hall.

Bellatrix examined her fingernails as if she felt she were in no immediate danger. "You're just sore because Serenity won't tell you what happened." she said calmly.

Sirius inched closer to her. "And I supposed _you're_ going to tell me."

"'Course not." Bellatrix said smoothly, now playing with her hair. "Now, Sirius, I _am_ hungry, so if you're little game is over--"

"It is _not_ a game and it's _not_ over." he snapped. "You leave Serenity alone, got it?"

"Oh, but it's so much fun." Bellatrix said smiling.

"I won't hesitate to jinx you." Sirius said maliciously, his blue eyes dark and clouded.

"I won't hesitate to scream for McGonagall." she retorted.

"Silencing Charm." Sirius warned. "Now be a good girl and swear you'll leave Serenity alone."

Sirius heard a sound and jerked his head around. No one was there. Too late, he realized the sound was from the next floor up. When he turned back to Bellatrix, she was gone.

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The holidays seemed to arrive in a heartbeat. One minute the four of them were getting detention for attempting to steal fairies from the Christmas tree and hold them for ransom--a detention all but Remus earned, he simply got dragged in--and the next they had Gryffindor tower to themselves.

Almost

Lily spent the first few days of free time in the same way she usually did, curled up at the fire with a book.

Wurthering Heights, Serenity explained, was a book that was to 'lovey-dovey' to get through. A Tale of Two Cities was too dry and boring. ("Who cares about a stupid French-Muggle war that happened ages ago?" Sirius translated.)

"Well, what would you suggest I do?" Lily shrieked, snapping her book shut. "Run around the castle screaming?"

Serenity made motions that seemed to last too long for the short translation. "Hang out." Sirius said.

"With you?" Lily looked as if she had bitten into a lemon.

"We don't bite." James said grinning.

"Hard." Sirius added with a laugh. "We did call a truce, Evans."

"Yes, to be civilized, not to become best friends." She moved to open her book again.

"The civilized thing to do when someone says 'hang out' is to hang out." James said, still smiling at the redhead.

"I've seen what you four call 'hanging out' and it's anything _but_ civilized." Lily's expression had softened, however.

"Come on, Evans. How bad could it be?" James asked. Before she could crack the obvious joke, he continued. "What, are you afraid of fun or something?"

"No." Lily said. Now she was smiling.

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"I hate flying." Lily protested weakly. Sirius was trying to shove one of the school's spare broomsticks in her arms. He had already handed one to Andromeda.

"Come on, Evans." James said. "I promise to catch you if you fall." the Gryffindor Seeker said.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Lily retorted, but she took the broom from Sirius. "So, what exactly is the point of this?"

"Girls versus boys." Sirius said. "We make a wager and the team that loses has to do it. Nudity is out, since half of us are related."

James clapped his hands together. "So, what'll it be?" he asked Sirius and Remus. The girls we grouped together and Andromeda was interpreting Serenity's odd form of sign language almost as well as Sirius could.

When both teams had agreed on wagers and written them on pieces of parchment to be revealed after the game, James explained the rules. "We're only playing with the Quaffle. First team to ten wins or until the hour mark, whichever comes first. Girls get possession first."

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Andromeda, Lily, and Serenity had behind a curtain outside McGonagall's office, trying not to laugh as Sirius, Remus, and James shot them very dirty looks. Then, James took a deep breath and knocked on Professor McGonagall's office door.

Without so much as a warning, James plunged into a story, his eyes wide. "P-Professor, they're out to get us!" he cried.

Her eyes narrowed. "Who is--"

Sirius looked around. "They're hiding under the beds!" he shrieked. "They won't go away!"

It was Remus that did the best though, much to everyone's shock--including McGonagall's. "They keep making these noises, Professor. And I think I saw one sticking it's hand out from under my bed. It almost got James!" He ducked behind James as though in fear of his life. "Please, Professor. You've got to get rid of them. If we fall asleep, they'll strangle us!"

Lily could swear she saw Professor McGonagall trying not to smile. "What?"

"The evil clowns!" all three boys yelled at once. When Professor McGonagall pointed them away from her office, Sirius actually forced tears into his eyes.

"You've got to believe us, Professor! It's not a joke! They're really under there. They're trying to kill us. Can't we just sleep in the girls' dorms?"

James grabbed Sirius' arm. "Nobody believes us." he wailed. "I'm writing home to tell my mother!"

Once again, Remus outdid the pair of them. "That's why we took the fairies, Professor! It's the only thing that will make them leave us alone! That's why we stay up late every night, so they won't eat us! Only now, Lily keeps saying she'll report us."

"There are no evil clowns living under your beds." Professor McGonagall said, struggling to keep a smile off her face.

"That's what Petey said!" Sirius cried.

"Who on earth--"

"Of course you don't know who he is!" James cried. "We found a note from him in our wardrobe. He went to school here ages ago. The evil clowns got him!"

"There are no evil clowns living under your beds." Professor McGonagall repeated.

There was a loud noise then, from just up the stairs. All three boys hid behind Professor McGonagall like she was a human shield.

Lily, Serenity, and Andromeda exchanged looks. Lily was biting her bottom lip and Andromeda was biting her knuckles. Serenity was much more adept at silent laughter, however. The girls continued to watch the scene.

"Now, boys," Professor McGonagall said, turning around, "you have really outdone yourselves." A thin smile formed on her lips. "however, if you still insist there are evil clowns lurking under your beds, you may go speak to Professor Dumbledore."

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"Did you see the look on her face?' Lily asked, erupting into giggles. It was hard to believe that two days ago this girl wanted to spend the holidays curled up with a Charles Dickens novel. "That was priceless."

Serenity was giggling silently as she tapped Sirius and the shoulder and made some motions. "Yeah, you're right." Then he turned to Remus. "you should take an acting class, mate. I though McGonagall was going to have a cow when you started talking."

"Yeah." James interrupted. "Who would have thought old Remus had it in him to lie to McGonagall?" Serenity giggled again. Once more, her and Remus' locked eyes for a moment.

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Serenity and Lily were holding hands and jumping up and down on the couch while James, Sirius, and Remus tried to build a house of cards with an Exploding Snap deck. _'I'm bored.'_ Serenity mouthed as she and Lily flopped down on the couch, breathless.

"Find something to do then." Sirius said without looking up. The deck exploded.

James dropped the rest of the deck. "Yeah, I'm bored, too. Let's find something to do."

"Like what?" Remus asked, putting the cards back in their box.

"Sneak into the kitchen and bribe the house elves." James suggested.

"Go tell Dumbledore about the evil clowns." said Sirius.

"Torture Mrs. Norris!"

"Torture Filch!"

Remus sighed, Serenity giggled, and Lily's eyes widened. Remus sighed because he knew whatever they did would most likely result in detention. Serenity giggled because she was a twelve year old girl who attracted trouble. Lily had never had detention in her life and was a complete teacher's pet.

"Torture the giant squid!" Sirius cried.

"Torture Moaning Myrtle!"

"Can't." Remus interjected, grinning in spite of himself. "Myrtle's in love with Sirius. She'd be impossible to torture with him around."

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It was eventually decided that painting the school pink was the best solution, suggested sarcastically by Remus. Armed with wands, they ran past the doors of the Great Hall, their first target. Within the time of forty-five the Great Hall, three lavatories, the Transfiguration department, the Potions and Charms rooms, and the gargoyle outside Professor Dumbledore's office were pink.

It was Professor Dumbledore who caught them. With the familiar twinkle in his eyes, he asked the question. "Why did you decide to paint the castle pink?"

James answered with a grin. "Pink just seemed more cheery. Blue seemed depressing." He tried to look innocent, as if painting the castle were the most natural thing on the earth. However, James, Sirius and Serenity never looked innocent. Remus typically looked innocent all the time, because usually _was_ innocent. Lily, on the other hand, looked terrified.

Dumbledore nodded at the five of them. "Of course, of course. However, I must be the bearer of unfortunate news. The castle cannot stay pink." He swept away, amusement still showing on his face.

James looked at Lily, whose face was now regaining same color. "Chill out, Evans. If there's one teacher who _won't_ get us in trouble, it's Dumbledore."

"I've never been in trouble before." Lily breathed.

Sirius grinned broadly. "My gods, Lily. How have your parents been raising you?"

Lily flushed. "I want to be a prefect. And people don't take you seriously if you break rules. No one ever believes you're sincere." She spoke in a voice that admitted she was saying this out loud for the first time, after think about it for time on end.

"That's not true." Sirius said, frowning. "You can be sincere and break rules. You just have to know when to do which." He was using the serious air he didn't typically exercise with James and Remus.

They all headed back to the common room in silence, contemplating what Sirius had said and the true, hidden meaning behind his words.

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_"No one would believe you anyway. You make up too many stories." Sirius' father said, walking toward the door._

_"Yes, they would. People don't just make up shit like this." the nine-year-old boy said, trying to forget the pain was plaguing him. His mind drifted to Serenity, her silence. "If you ever touch her again, I'll tell, you bastard."_

_"Watch your language. And if you tell I will kill your sister. And you'll watch." His father's hand was on the doorknob. "Now, get dressed and come downstairs. Supper's almost ready."_

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The holidays seemed to pass quickly. After their final supper without the rest of thee students in the no-longer-pink Great Hall, the five trudged up to the common room. "So, this is it." James said to Lily. "Tomorrow you go back to hating us."

"I never hated you." Lily said, checking her watch. 10:28. "I envied you. Jealously can be misleading."

"Why would you envy us?" Sirius asked. "You're the smartest girl in school, you never get in trouble."

"And everyone hates me." Lily said simply.

"We don't hate you." James said. "We just think you're annoying. That, and you're so uptight."

Lily looked at him. "You're right. I am uptight. And I need to go to bed. Thanks." She started up the stairs.

"For what?" Remus asked.

On the last step, Lily turned and looked the four of them. "For helping me paint the school pink."

_Somebody save my life_

_I'd rather be anything by ordinary please._

_-Avril Lavigne, 'Anything but Ordinary'_

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_So, what did you guys think? I know it was a much tamer chapter. Hope you liked it. Next chapter starts everything. It contains . . . drumroll please . . . SLASH!!!_

_Yay! So, if you guys don't like slash, you're SOL, because slash is a very big thing in the next 7 chapters._

_Here's a preview of CHAPTER FIVE: GUARDIAN ANGEL:_

_It was Sirius, Serenity's rock, that began to crack. It was on one of the nights when Remus' "mother was sick". Sirius had been listening to the words fag, queer, and gaywad all day. he had been inches from tears since supper._

_As he and James had been changing for bed, the tears finally fell. There were no sobs, no sound. One minute James was looking at Sirius trying to smile, the next his face was cloaked in tears. And that wasn't even the biggest surprise of the night._

_When James came over to comfort the boy who still had words like 'gay' and 'faggot' in his mind, Sirius kissed him. That wasn't what shocked James. What startled James--pretty damn near scared him too--was that he unhesitantly responded to the kiss._

_AND LATER . . ._

_"Hey!" someone yelled. No one knew who. "Look, it's Potter and Black. Great _fag_ couple, huh?"_


	5. Guardian Angel

_Disclaimer: How many times do I have to tell you I don't own Harry Potter? Unfortunately. Man, I want Lucius right now. Can't explain it. I know he's a bastard, but he's a HOT bastard. You all agree with me, right?_

_Author's Note: Short chapter. Important chapter. Slash chapter. Yay!_

CHAPTER FIVE: GUARDIAN ANGEL

It was clear from the time they were at lunch the next day that things would never be the same. Whispers had followed Serenity all day. ("Poor thing." "No wonder she won't talk.") Not so quiet comments had followed Sirius. ("Faggot." "You didn't strike me as the queer type, Black.")

Sirius finally told Remus and James the whole truth. "My dad fucked us." he said, so softly they almost missed it. Remus and James exchange a meaningful look. "What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?" Sirius demanded. "Look, it doesn't make me gay. I'm not going to--"

"No, Sirius. That's not it." James said hastily. "We know you're not gay, or anything, no that it would matter."

"I'm not." Sirius said shortly. "But what was that look about?"

"We kind of . . . already knew." Remus said. "You scream things in your sleep, Sirius." REmus looked at James. Their eyes were dark.

"What kind of things?" Sirius asked not quite sure if he wanted to know.

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_James and Remus sat bolt upright in bed as they heard the screams. Without a word they both vaulted over to Sirius' bed. James wrenched open the curtains._

_Sirius was screaming and crying, but he was still sleeping. "No! Don't, Daddy! God, Daddy, don't! Please?" He was twisting around in his sheets, thrashing. "I won't tell, I promise! Just don't touch me! Oh, God! Daddy, don't!" Then the screams dissolved and Sirius was still except for the sobs._

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"Things . . . about your . . . dad." James said slowly and softly. "We didn't know what to do. You've been doing it since our first week here."

"I'm sorry," Remus said, "about what your dad did."

"Me, too." James hastened to add.

"I don't need your pity." Sirius said heatedly. "I don't want it either. So you can just shut up about it."

"Look." James said sternly, a very odd trait in a twelve-year-old. "Your dad raped you. Both of you." he added, looking at Serenity. "That's not right and it never will be. So, I damn well get to say I'm sorry it happened. Call it pity or sympathy or whatever the hell you want. I say we're friends and I actually do give a damn about you, so I am sorry it happened."

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"Hey, queerness rubs off, Potter. I'd get away from that fag if I was you." It was a Ravenclaw fourth year who said it. Within seconds, that particular fourth year was bloody and limping to the hospital wing.

"You shouldn't have done that." Sirius said. "Maybe you guys should just . . . back off. That way people won't think--"

"Don't be stupid!" Remus snapped in a very out of character voice. "_People_ are just idiots. If you really think that we're just going to . . . fly off or whatever, you're wrong."

"Yeah, mate." James said quietly. "We don't care what they say. They're just stupid. Now, c'mon or we'll be late for Charms."

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Serenity wasn't getting the evil comments that Sirius was. People seemed to think that the fact that since she was a girl and he, a boy, that there was a difference in their situation.

She also knew exactly who had let the story 'slip': Bellatrix. She saw it in the way Bellatrix shot nasty smiles at her and Sirius. She knew that another ordeal with the threat of the switchblade would be happening soon.

She wanted to tell her brother. Sirius had always protected her, or else tried his hardest. Now it was Serenity's turn. She was not going to give Lucius any reason to hurt Sirius. Sirius had been trough enough. If anyone found out she was raped again, she would be pitied. Sirius would be called a 'faggot'.

James seemed to be looking out for Sirius, while Remus had assigned himself to protect Serenity. So when Bellatrix took her first verbal stab at Serenity it was Remus, not Sirius, who took charge. (Sirius and James had been in the bathroom.)

"Any _gifts_ from _Daddy_ lately, Serenity?" Bellatrix hissed.

Remus had his wand out within seconds. "Not another words." he said, clearly and firmly. He looked angry and, as Remus rarely got angry, his anger seemed more dangerous that Sirius' would have been.

Bellatrix eyes his wand warily. "You wouldn't hex a girl." she said. "Gryffindor honor and all that."

"You don't count as a girl." Remus snapped. "Not another word to Serenity."

Bellatrix almost smiled. "Oooh. It's always the quiet ones." She pause. "What if I say a _couple_ of words to my darling cousin?"

"I won't warn you again." he said. His voice was calm, but his eyes were furious.

Bellatrix eyed his wand one more time before turning to Serenity. "You know--"

"_Impedimenta!"_ Once Bellatrix was twitch on the ground, fighting invisible ropes, Remus swept his arm around Serenity's shoulders and lead her quickly to class.

She pulled him into the corner before they go to the History of Magic corridor. _'Thank you.'_ she mouth desperately. She grasped his hands in hers. Tears were standing in her eyes.

"Hey." Remus said softly. "Calm down. There's nothing to cry about."

_'Thank you.'_ Serenity mouthed again.

"There's nothing to thank me for." Remus said. Serenity threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Serenity, why . . ."

_'Thank you.'_

Then, suddenly Remus understood. If he, the most timid of their friends, the least likely to hex someone, would stand up to Bellatrix, then not all hope was lost. She knew there were good people who would always be there.

And that was why Serenity could live through another day.

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It was Sirius, Serenity's rock, that began to crack. It was on one of the nights when Remus' "mother was sick". Sirius had been listening to the words fag, queer, and gaywad all day. he had been inches from tears since supper.

As he and James had been changing for bed, the tears finally fell. There were no sobs, no sound. One minute James was looking at Sirius trying to smile, the next his face was cloaked in tears. And that wasn't even the biggest surprise of the night.

When James came over to comfort the boy who still had words like 'gay' and 'faggot' in his mind, Sirius kissed him. That wasn't what shocked James. What startled James--pretty damn near scared him too--was that he unhesitantly responded to the kiss.

This was nothing like the awkward kissed with girls he wasn't majorly 'in to'. This was a pure, unadulterated kiss. James actually felt disappointment when Sirius pulled away.

"I'm sorry." he breathed. His amethyst eyes were still filled with tears. "I didn't mean to." Then, the first sob left his body. "I _am_ a fag."

James almost slapped him. "Stop it!" he yelled. "For starters, even if you _are_ gay, which I doubt , if you call yourself a fag or queer or whatever, I _will_ deck you. Secondly, you were really upset and that was probably all that kiss was. And thirdly . . ." James' voice trailed off. _And thirdly, I liked it? Am I gay?_

"I liked it." Sirius croaked through his sobs. "So I _am_ a fag." He started sobbing harder.

"I liked it, too." James whisoered, dropping to his knees and taking the sobbing heap that was Sirius into his arms. "I like it, too, Sirius. So, what does that make me?"

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The words 'fag' and 'gay' seemed to hurt Sirius even more afterwards. James practically had to drag his best friend to class. Sirius had lost all will to live. Even Serenity couldn't pull him from his depressed stupor. Sirius' savior was the least likely and yet the most obvious person.

It was the day after Sirius though carving 'fag' into his ankle was a good idea. It was the day after Remus had to physically restrain Sirius while James got rid of the blade.

James had a firm grip on Sirius' arm and wad leading him to Greenhouse #2. Remus had his arm around Serenity's shoulders. "C'mon, Serenity." Remus whispered, more to break the silence than to hurry the girl up.

"Hey!" someone yelled. No one knew who. "Look, it's Potter and Black. Great _fag_ couple, huh?"

In the matter of three seconds the boy was hurtling fifty feet through the air. All eyes turned to the red-headed girl, wand out, livid expression on her face, her emerald eyes hard. No one could remember seeing anyone so angry in their lives.

"There's nothing to look at!" Lily snapped. "And there's nothing to say either. You call can go to hell! Well, what the hell are you waiting for?!" Then she marched over to Sirius and kissed his cheek. "You are the strongest person I have ever met." With that she walked into the Greenhouse.

Sirius didn't hear any of the dreaded words for the rest of the day.

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"You got a detention?" They heard Anna, one of Lily's friends, ask her at supper. "You ruined your perfect record?"

Lily looked directly at Sirius. "Sometimes people won't take you seriously unless you break the rules."

Serenity stood up and walked down the hall to Lily. _'Thank you.'_ she mouthed.

Sirius watched them. _Yes, thank you._

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James and Sirius kissed again that night. Serenity almost breathed a single word to the moon. Lily swore. Remus contemplated telling his friends the truth.

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Words were thrown, but Lily's anger seemed to have woken a few people up. A timid first year told another rape didn't influence whether you were gay or not. A popular fifth year jinxed one of her male friends for calling Sirius a fag.

And in the shadows the bravest feat occurred. No one saw the revolutionary act. One Slytherin called Bellatrix a bitch. The act was rewarded with several punches and quite a few hexes.

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The rest of the school year seemed to pass in an instant, except for a few stolen kisses and several stolen pieces of armor. Thus, it was soon time for Sirius and Serenity to move into their new home.

_I'm lost as can be_

_Then you look at_

_And I'm not lost anymore._

_-Celine Dion_

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_Well, what did you guys think? I know, I know. It was very short. I'm sorry, but I needed a way to get some of the pent-up anger out of my system. I don't know what song those lyrics are from. If you know, e-mail it to me._

_The next chapter is going to be awesome. Sirius and Serenity meet the Potters. There is lots of romance, but there is still lots of drama. _

_P.S. Is it WRONG for me to think Daniel Radcliffe's hot? I know, he's like fourteen and that's only three or four years younger than me, but it is that, like, child pornography or something? E-mail me. Hey, I'm getting a new yahoo account just for readers, so I can talk to them. I'll tell you next chapter._

_Here is a sneak peek of CHAPTER SIX: UNREQUESTED DESIRE:_

_"Don't worry." Sirius whispered, his fingers trailing down James' chest. "I won't give you a hickey." He laughed breathlessly. "I'm not ever sure I _could_ even if I wanted to." he added, trying to make the worry fade from those hazel eyes that gazed at him, trusting him completely._

_AND LATER . . ._

_Remus and Serenity had walked over to the bookshelves when James and Sirius were laughing at Muggle kitchen appliances. When the two boys saw the, Remus was talking softly to Serenity. Then he kissed her. Serenity wrapped her arms around his neck . . ._

_AND EVEN LATER . . ._

_Sirius tears continued to flow down his cheeks. _I hate this. I hate needing you. I hate you . . .


	6. Unrequested Desire

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Once again, if I did I would nail just about everyone with a penis. Unfortunately, J.K. Rowling finally wrote back and told me that her characters do NOT really exist therefore she cannot put me in her books as the slut who gets around. Dammit! I really wanted to screw everyone. :(_

_Author's Note: Consider the last chapter pre-slash. This is the chapter where the REAL slash starts. Remember, slash is male/male pairing. If slash offends you, please stop reading my story. I don't want to get some flames about my eternal soul being damned because I think it's totally hot when two guys hook up. If this doesn't offend you, yay! Now, let's start the fun._

CHAPTER SIX: UNREQUESTED DESIRE

Mrs. Potter hugged James tightly, then hugged Sirius and Serenity, both of whom were very surprised. "Sirius and Serenity, correct?" The twins--for they now considered themselves twins--nodded. "Good. And you don't speak, right, dear?" Mrs. Potter asked Serenity. The girl shook her head. "All right. I'm Ava Potter. Now, let's move on. You three must be starving. Your father had to work, but he'll be home later.

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"Now, I don't know how you two wanted to sleep. Both of you in the same room, separate rooms, Sirius with James." Ava smiled.

Sirius liked her smile. His mother never smiled like that. Her smiles always made you wonder what was going to happen to you. "Whatever's the least amount of trouble." he said.

"Now, now." Ava said, shaking her head. "Politeness is all well and good if you're a guest, but you're not. This is _your_ house, too." She smiled again. "So, how do you want to sleep?"

Serenity made a few motions. "She wants her own room." Sirius said.

"Great." James said. "And you'll stay with me. Serenity, you can have the room across the hall. I'll show them, Mom."

Ava nodded. "And tomorrow we'll go shopping for clothes, posters, all the fun stuff. Don't look at me like that, Serenity. Your room, you decorate."

James was leading them up the stairs. "My mum's going to love this." he said in an undertone. "She and Dad always wanted more kids, but they can't have any." He opened a door that led to a light blue room. "Mum'll beg you to pick a color, Serenity, so be prepared." James warned. The room had a Queen-sized bed, a simple chest of drawers, and a modestly sized wardrobe. A lamp stood in the corner beside a chair. Serenity smiled. She and Sirius had shared a room at their old house, a room half the size of this one.

"This is our room." James said to Sirius. Serenity followed the two boys into a room nearly twice the size of Serenity's. Two Queen-sized beds stood by opposite walls and the room was decorated with Quidditch posters and few smaller pictures of scantily clad women. "Mum must've already put your bed in her." James said to Sirius, stating the obvious.

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Sirius and Serenity met Mr. Potter that evening. He had James' black hair and nose. He was a tall man, with glasses and a contagious smile. Ava, meanwhile, had James' beautiful hazel eyes.

If Serenity and Sirius felt awkward, which they had, it evaporated over supper. Henry and Ava made them feel right at home, asking them typical questions about school and exams. There was no third-degree.

And they wouldn't hear of being called Mr. and Mrs. Potter. "People have first names for a reason." Ava said, smiling.

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Serenity and Sirius were standing in the middle of the store, wide-eyed. James was grinning like his mother. "Now, you two, you are mine and Henry's responsibility. This includes clothes, rooms, everything. So stop being polite and go pick out stuff for your rooms." Then she turned to her son. "I have to go get some groceries. Make sure these two pick out at least a cart full of stuff." She ruffled his hair affectionately and left.

"C'mon, you guys are getting free stuff." James said. When the twins still looked skeptical, he grabbed their arms and pulled them toward the rows of carts. "Look, we've got . . ." He paused. "Not to sound arrogant or anything, but we've got the money so it's nothing to worry about."

They spent the next hour buying posters, lamps, rugs, and various odds and ends. Then the three of them ran up and down the aisles playing catch with toilet paper. Ava found them collapsed on a pile of paper towels in Aisle 5.

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"Serenity, you hardly ate." Ava said in a concerned voice. "You're a growing girl; you must be hungry. Do you want something different to eat?" Ava and Henry always spoke to Serenity in the same way Remus, Sirius, and James did--as if she could answer.

Serenity, of course, answered with a sign language Sirius had to translate. "Serenity doesn't eat a lot." Sirius said. "Ever. She says it's delicious though. And it is." Sirius added.

"Yeah, Mum, it's great." James said, trying to deter his mother from asking about Serenity's eating habits Sirius had confided in him that their parents had never really fed them enough so they had learned to do without. That, and Serenity was borderline anorexic in the fact that she was too depressed to eat most of the time.

Ava looked at her son, as if she knew exactly what he was trying to do. Then she looked at Serenity. "Just a few more bites, dear."

Serenity complied.

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The night of James' late June birthday found him and Sirius behind a locked door. Neither of them had talked about whether this meant they were gay or bi, because neither of them knew. They only focused on the kissing, the intimacy, the comfort.

Sirius sometimes cried while they were kissing, but James pretended not to notice, even though he could taste the salt from Sirius' tears.

On this particular evening, however, Sirius wasn't crying. The pair was kissing in Sirius' bed, pausing every time they heard a noise. Most of the time it was the cat, but once James had to dive for the bed when his mother came in to check on the pair of them.

Tonight, though, the doors were locked. They would have plenty of time to move around if they heard James' mother trying to get in.

The moonlight fell across Sirius' bed, enveloping the two in its beauty. Hazel eyes into amethyst ones. Lips on lips. Then Sirius began nipping at his best friend's neck.

James gasped. "I-If you . . ." Sirius paused and looked at the stuttering boy. "If one of us . . . gets a . . . a h-hickey, my mum'll see and flip." James stammered, pinking tinging his cheeks.

"Don't worry." Sirius whispered, his fingers trailing across James' chest. "I won't give you a hickey." He giggled breathlessly. "I'm not even sure I _could_ if I wanted to." he added, trying to make the worry fade from those hazel eyes that gazed at him, trusting him completely.

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"We're not normal, are we?" James asked later.

"Well, _you're_ not." Sirius said, not wanting to start a deep conversation at half past midnight. When he was tired he was more likely to say _exactly_ what he was thinking.

"You know what I mean." James murmured. "Are we gay, Sirius? Are we bi?"

"I don't know." Sirius said honestly. "I don't think we can know yet. I think we're too . . ." He paused, searching for the right word. "Too _inexperienced_ to know."

James kissed him. "But we're not normal." he insisted.

"No one's normal." Sirius protested. "Even if we were gay, why's that unnormal?"

"Because we don't know." James said softly. "I don't have the burning desire to run out and kiss any other guys, Sirius. Just you. If that's not weird . . ."

"Why do we have to decipher it?" Sirius asked, slightly miffed. "Why can't we just leave well enough alone?"

"I _need_ to talk about it." James said in a whisper. "I'm scared, Sirius." There was a long pause.

"I am, too." came the soft reply.

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The next night, Sirius woke up screaming. When Ava came running in, James was standing over Sirius' bed. "Wake him up." Ava hissed.

James looked at her, terrified. He had _never_ woken Sirius up during one of his dreams.

"DON'T!" Sirius screamed. "DON'T, DADDY! PLEASE? I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE! PLEASE, DADDY?"

James reach out and shook Sirius' shoulder. "Wake up." he whispered.

Sirius sat bolt upright in bed. "Don't touch me!" he yelled. His eyes flew open and he saw Ava and James. Then he remembered where he was, remembered his father wasn't there. "S-Sorry." he stammered, holding back tears.

"You just had a nightmare, dear." Ava said in a motherly tone. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I didn't mean to wake you up." Sirius said softly. _Gods, I can't do _anything_ right._

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Sirius had other things to worry about as well. The new clothes Serenity wore were tighter than her school uniform and she had curves where there had never been curves before. When the three of them walked around the town, boys stared at her. Serenity had grown used to the attention and sometimes it even seemed she enjoyed it. Sirius didn't.

James, however, though it was hilarious to watch Sirius get angrier and angrier as his sister flirted with the boys in the village, most of whom he knew. Sirius spent so much time glaring at Serenity that he never noticed the girls looking at _him._ James worried about this, wondering what would happen if Sirius _did_ notice.

Once, a girl accidentally brushed Sirius' arm in a store. James had seen the fear in Sirius' eyes as the girl apologized. That night Sirius had cried in his sleep. (A few weeks before James had asked his mother to put a Silencing Charm on the room. He could see the guilty look in Sirius' eyes everything Ava shook him awake. From experience, James knew it was better to let Sirius sleep.)

Serenity tried not to let boys get close enough for them to want to start a conversation. She knew Sirius would rather skin them alive than translate a conversation. She wondered what would happen if she got a boyfriend. At those times her mind would wander to Remus. (He was getting better at understanding her sign language.) Then she kept scolding herself. She had seen enough male/female friendships turn to dust when plutonic feelings turned romantic and then they broke up. (She was also worried about what would happen to Sirius and Remus' friendship.)

So it passed that neither Serenity nor Sirius fulfilled any villagers fantasies. Except perhaps, Sirius fulfilling James'.

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One morning over breakfast, a letter came from Ava. She got tight lines around her mouth the twins had never seen before and that James had only witnessed twice. "Mum?" he asked softly. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing for you to worry about." Ava said, standing up and going into the study, the letter clutched in her hand. "Will you three clean up the breakfast things, please?"

"Sure." Sirius and James said at once. Serenity nodded.

A few minutes later they head the back door open and close. "She's going to have a cigarette." James said, dropping the dishtowel. "Good. We have about five minutes."

"For what?" Sirius asked, afraid he already knew.

"To find out what's in that letter."

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"They're reviewing the case?" James said. "What the hell is there to review?"

"My dad slipping them money." Sirius said quietly, stroking Serenity's hair. She was leaning on his shoulder.

"But why the hell would you have made that up? You wouldn't have lied. And Mum and Dad signed those papers!" James shook his head. "Just because they review the case doesn't men they'll change their mind, does it?" Without waiting for Sirius to speak, he answered himself. "No, it doesn't."

Serenity reached for James' hand as he moved to bite his nails. _'It'll be okay.'_ she mouthed. _Oh, gods, I hope it is._

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"You three shouldn't have read that letter." Ava said, standing in the boys' doorway. "I _know_ you read it, so don't play innocent. There is _nothing_ to worry about. Angela Lovegood sent an owl saying this is protocol. They have to review every case."

The three thirteen-year-olds thought she still seemed a little worried though.

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Then Remus came down for the last two weeks of the holidays. The four of them decided to go pick up groceries for Ava to try and get their minds off of the review. Sirius, trying to pay attention to _everything_ so he didn't have to worry about the maybes, noticed Serenity didn't flirt since Remus had shown up.

Serenity stayed closer to Remus, occasionally touching his arm more than was necessary. They seemed to lock eyes every time they though James and Sirius weren't looking. The surprising fact wasn't that Remus and Serenity seemed to be on the road to a romantic relationship, it was that Sirius didn't want to beat Remus senseless . . . most of the time.

Those instances were rare though. The first occurred when Remus kissed Serenity for the first time. The four of them had been wandering around a second hand store, looking just to look.

Remus and Serenity had walked over to the bookshelves when James and Sirius were laughing at Muggle kitchen appliances. When the two boys saw the, Remus was talking softly to Serenity. Then he kissed her. Serenity wrapped her arms around his neck. The pair shared a few kissed and then busied themselves with feigning interest in some books.

Sirius--after he got over his momentary shock--started toward Remus, face set. James grabbed his arm and pulled him away, until there were a few aisles between the two sets of teenagers. "Calm down." James said. "You can't tell me you didn't see this coming." His hazel eyes had turned a light green. "There's no reason to act like this."

"She's my _sister!"_ Sirius snapped, trying to pull out of James' grasp.

"Dating Remus isn't going to make her need you less." James said. When Sirius stopped struggling he knew he had hit the nail on the head. "She needs you, Sirius, but she needs other people, too. There's nothing wrong with her kissing someone and if you think there is, you're a damn hypocrite!"

"B-But, she's . . . mine. My . . . everything." Sirius whispered, his eyes shining, like amethyst stones.

"You can't be her entire world, Sirius." James said softly, wisdom showing in his innocent eyes. "She needs things she can't get from you, things she _can_ get from Remus."

"You don't understand." Sirius said softly, a slight bitterness in his voice. "You don't know what it's like. We didn't have anyone, not a single fucking soul, for nine years, since we were two. Nobody cared if we lived or died. She _was_ my entire bloody world and I was hers."

"She still needs you, Sirius." James whispered. "People _do_ care now. We're a part of both your worlds now, whether by your choice or not." He released Sirius' arm, only to take his hand, James' other hand coming up to stroke the other by's cheek. "Is that such a bad thing?"

Sirius leaned into James' touch, his eyes fluttering closed. "I want you to be a part of my world." he breathed. "I want you . . ."

His voice trailed off and James kissed him softly. "There's nothing wrong with needing someone, Sirius." he whispered against the other boy's feather-soft lips. Amethyst eyes gazed at him. James kissed him again. Sirius parted his lips slowly. And then . . .

They both jumped as they heard the door to the shop slam close. Sirius turned and made like he really _was_ interested in the hideous lamp in front of him.

James knew better. He could see how strained Sirius' shoulders were from anxiety. And the hair was brushed off one side of that slender neck . . .

"So, are we ready to go?" Remus asked, smiling as he made his way toward the other two boys. Serenity was smiling as well, as she stood behind Remus. James noticed her lipstick was a bit smudged.

If Sirius did, he didn't say anything. "Yeah. Let's go."

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That night, Sirius pulled a just awoken James into the bathroom and kissed him. His lips tugged at the other boy's needfully. James kissed back, his need for sleep having disappeared with the passion of the first kiss.

When he tasted the salt from Sirius' tears however, he broke the tender liplock. "What's wrong?"

Sirius didn't say anything, just grabbed James' arms and tried to kiss him again.

"Sirius," James began, pulling away from the boy's attempted kiss, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Sirius whispered through his tears.

"If it were nothing, you wouldn't be crying." James said patiently. He took the other boy's hands in his. "Tell me."

"N-Need . . ." Sirius' face was wet with tears, his eyes purple waterfalls. "N-Need . . ." When he saw James' hazel eyes, full of touching concern, he began to cry hard. "You."

James looked confused. "What?"

"I need . . . you." Sirius' eyes were filled with trust, innocence, despair, and . . . hope, an emotion James' had never seen in his best friend's eyes until that moment.

"Help me." the crying boy whispered insistently, needingly. He pressed his lips to James' again. This time James didn't resist, but he was still thinking about what had just been said.

_'I need you?'_ James though. _He needs me? Gods, is he . . . Am I . . ._

_I need you._ Sirius though. _Gods, don't leave me James. Gods, I can't take it anymore. Just stay, stay with me. Please? Stay forever. We can be happy until forever, right?_

_Does he love me? _James though, his arms coming up and around the boy's neck. _Do I love him? Is . . . is love enough? Can love ever be enough? Can it undo the hell he's been though?_

Sirius traced his fingers along the back of James' neck, drawing unseen patterns. _Is needing you the same as loving you, James? Can I love you? Am I capable? I need you, so does that mean I love you? Should I love you? Is loving you wrong?_

_I think I might love you._ James tongue danced insistently with his . . . lover's? _Do you love me? Would you turn away from me if I said I love you. _Should_ I say it?_

Sirius' tears continued to flow down his cheeks. _I hate this. I hate needing you. I hate you! No . . . I don't. I can't. I want to die! Gods, James. Why did you have to take that fucking razor blade?_

_Don't waste your time on me_

_You're already the voice inside my head_

_I miss you._

_-Blink 182_

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_So, what did ya'll think? I hope you liked it. What did you think of my slash story? Did I do okay? When my bff read this chapter she was NOT happy. She was all 'what about Lily? What about James and Lily? What about Harry?' Blah, blah, blah. (No offense to my bff.) So, do you guys have the same thoughts. The romance between James and Sirius changes a lot through out the next few chapters. I'm currently working on Chapter Eleven. What do you guys think? I could sure use your input._

_You will NOT find out the boys' sexuality until Chapter Ten. So . . . yeah. There's some food for thought. The relationship between Remus and Serenity got downplayed in this chapter, but that's okay. None of the relationships have a MAJOR part in the next 1 1/2 or 2 chapters. I can't exactly remember._

_Here is a preview of CHAPTER SEVEN: UNSEEN SCARS, UNHEALING CUTS:_

_No one can be expected to resist the seduction of the glittering blade all of the time._

_AND LATER . . ._

_Serenity spit at him. Then she threw her head back and . . . screamed._

_AND EVEN LATER . . ._

_"Sirius is in the Forbidden forest. We need to find him. You're the best in Care of Magical Creatures, so you're helping me find him without getting killed." James said quietly as they snuck past the staff room._

_"Why's he in there?" Remus asked, concern in his voice._

_James didn't answer._


	7. Unseen Scars, Unhealing Cuts

_Disclaimer: Hi! Remember me? I don't own Harry Potter. I'm running out of original disclaimers and that kind of sucks, so let's see . . . Hmmm . . . I don't own Harry Potter! If I did, don't you think I would have fucked Lucius, Sirius, Remus, James, Severus, Draco, and maybe even Lily by now? It's a good thing I don't own Harry Potter then. Their world is confusing enough without them worrying which one is the father of my child. :)_

_Author's Note: This chapter contains EXTREMELY dark subjects, particularly cutting and suicidal thoughts. I'm bipolar and it will become evident in the next few chapters (if it hasn't already). Bipolar is where you go from happy to sad to happy to sad. Very dramatic mood swings. I am on medication though. Well, enough about me. Let's start the story._

CHAPTER SEVEN: UNSEEN SCARS, UNHEALING CUTS

By the time school resumed, Sirius was battling solitarily with hidden demons. He tried so hard to resist the beautiful shine of the razor blades, but sometimes it just got to be too much. Kisses with James helped sometimes, but when it didn't . . .

Three healing cuts-nicks-were hidden by the sleeves of his robes. Sirius thought he had done pretty well. After all, he had had dozens of opportunities. No one can be expected to resist the seduction of the glittering blade all the time.

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Lucius came looking for Sirius one evening in late October, when crisp leaves littered the grounds, dead like both boys' souls. Lucius found the object of his search walking past the Great Hall alone. Very uncommon as James was becoming increasingly more worried about him.

Lucius snuck up behind him and dragged the raven-haired boy into the same lavatory where Lucius had raped Serenity a year - had it already been a year - ago?

Lucius had expected Sirius to put up a tremendous fight. Needless to say, when he moved to push Sirius against the wall and Sirius clung to Lucius' arm, as though afraid he might fall, the older boy was shocked. There was fear in Sirius' eyes, but it was overshadowed by a vast misery - depression.

Lucius pressed Sirius against the wall, staring at those sad eyes, those bruised lips, the dark shadows on his face, the dried tears. As Lucius gazed at the boy cling to him like a child, an emotion rose inside him. He tenderly brushed a strand of Sirius' hair way from his face.

No, the emotion was not love; it was desired. A different desire, however, from that which had driven Lucius to bring the thirteen-year-ld her in the first place. That desire had been to inflict pain, to inflict a form of hate with which he could break Sirius.

Now, though, he could see the younger boy was already broken. He could see it in the way the boy stared at him without flinching. Someone - or something - had already defeated him.

The desire that now arose in him was insistent. Lucius wanted to take Sirius. Not rape him, just simply take him. Sirius wouldn't protest, nor would he agree. He wanted, but _what_ he wanted was unsure.

Sirius didn't speak, nor did he move except for the slight tremble of his weak arms as he grasped the older boy's robes. This was . . . surreal, yet it was more vivid than the kisses he had shared with James the night before. Those grey eyes stared at him, as if determined to read the secrets branded on Sirius' soul.

Then, suddenly, lips against his; Sirius parted his mouth without hesitation. Nothing seemed tangible at the moment, not even the heated kiss. He supposed if it _were_ a dream, he would have woken up by now. (His 'sex' dreams were actually cut short before he had time to sleep with anyone - except his father.)

Involuntarily, Sirius had begun to respond to the kiss. Without skipping a beat, Lucius removed Sirius' robe. His eyes caught glimpse of something rumored, and he finally broke the kiss. He ran the pad of his thumb across the two silver scars and the almost healed cut on Sirius' wrist. "My, my." Lucius mused, raising an eyebrow. "And here I though Gryffindors were supposed to be brave."

Sirius pulled his wrist from Lucius' grasp, showing emotion for the first time. However, he made no attempt to leave. "M-Mine." he whispered weakly, cradling his wrist as though it were a child.

"Tell me, Sirius," Lucius murmured, "do your friends know about these cuts?"

"S-Secret." Another whisper. Then Sirius' entire composure seemed to change. He put his arms around Lucius' neck and kissed him feverishly. "Take me." he demanded.

Lucius was only too willing to comply.

Sirius sat up, felling used, feeling like a whore. He grabbed clothes and began dressing at top speed. "Hey, hey. What's the rush?" Lucius asked, grabbing Sirius' arm.

"Don't touch me!" Sirius snapped. The depression had subsided long enough for him to deduce common logic. Sirius - now dressed - stood up and pulled out his wand. "You raped my sister, didn't you?"

Lucius smiled and began to dress. "No more than I just raped you, Sirius. You consented."

"Serenity's not like me. She's smarter. She wouldn't use sex as an escape." Sirius said, fighting tears. He had just _fucked_ his sister's rapist. "You raped her, didn't you!"

Lucius now had his own wand out. "Your sister wants, Sirius. Can't you see it with her and Lupin?" He spat out Remus' surname as if it were a curse.

"That's different." Sirius said. "Serenity had cuts after your little rendezvous. She didn't want to sleep with you." _And I did. Gds, I swear if you give me the strength to kill him, I'll slit my own fucking wrists. _"She didn't want to sleep with you." he repeated.

"Just like she didn't want to sleep with your _Daddy_?"

Sirius wasn't aware of casting the Cruciatuous Curse, he just knew it had happened. However, only a momentary scream left Lucius' lips.

"_Impedimenta."_ Sirius couldn't move to turn around, but he knew who had spoken those words. "Lucius?" Bellatrix asked uncertainly.

"Hello, Bella." Lucius was _not_ amused. "And Serenity." He finally smirked when he saw Sirius struggling against invisible ropes. "So nice to see you _again_."

Serenity's eyes welled up when she saw Sirius and she reached out to him, but Bellatrix held her back. "Now, now. I'm certain you'll be able to see Sirius in a moment." She looked at Lucius. "What the _hell_ were you ding? If he talks-"

Lucius smiled as if he had just heard a good joke. "Purely consensual, Bella. He _begged_ for it." He smirked at Sirius' still struggling for. "Didn't you?"

Bellatrix laughed. "So he _is_ a fag after all. Goodness gracious." Then her tone got much more brutal. "Well, Lucius, how shall we arrange this? Should Serenity watch her brother get raped or the other way around?"

"Well, I've already fucked Sirius, so it's really no contest." Lucius got a purely evil look on his face. "Unless, of course, Serenity decides not to cooperate." He moved over to the young girl, who was being held by Bellatrix, her arms twisted behind her back.

"Don't touch her!" Sirius was fighting tears. "Don't you touch her, you sick bastard."

Lucius ignored him except to recast the Impediment Cruse. He looked at Serenity and spoke softly; Sirius had to strain to her him. "If you're a good girl and you do what I say, nothing will happen to your brother, you understand?" he asked in a low voice.

"Don't listen to him, Serenity." Sirius said. "Don't listen to a word he says. He's lying." He struggled hopelessly against the curse. "And _you_," he snarled at Lucius, "you don't give my sister any of that bullshit, you fucking prick!"

Lucius pretended he hadn't heard Sirius. "Well, Serenity, are you prepared to do what I say, or will I have to fuck your brother instead?" When Serenity didn't budge, Lucius began to move toward Sirius.

Serenity tore herself from Bella's grasp and literally threw herself at Lucius. _'Take me.'_ she mouthed, repeating the same words Sirius had used earlier. _'Me.'_ She clung to him like a child.

Lucius looked at her and smiled. "Very well then. Bella?" The Slytherin moved toward Sirius, wand out. "Well, Serenity-"

"No!" Sirius yelled. "I'll scream." he threatened. "Someone'll come."

Lucius smiled more broadly. "Firstly, Black, it would take all of three seconds to put a Silencing Charm on you. Secondly, if you say - or yell- another word, I will put the Cruciatous Curse on her."

Bellatrix snickered. "Which is worse, Sirius? Rape or the alternative? What good is your Gryffindor bravery now?"

"I-I'll do anything." Sirius pleaded. "Anything, just don't hurt Serenity. Please?"

"I thought I told you not to say a word." Lucius said calmly, his steel-grey eyes much darker tan usual. "If you do it again, you'll hear your sister's voice - screaming - for the first time in gods knows how long."

Serenity looked at Sirius, gulped at the look on his face, and stared at Lucius unwavering. "Slut." Bellatrix hissed. "She wants it, Lucius. Look at her."

Serenity bit her lip, but refused to stop looking at Lucius. She was determined not to cry, not to show how badly it hurt - physically or emotionally. _Hate you._ she thought. _Hate you both._

Lucius traced his finger along Serenity's jawline. Then he kissed her. Serenity responded to the kiss, afraid what would happen if she didn't. "My, my, _mon cherie_." Lucius murmured. "You certainly know how to kiss. Has Lupin gotten this far with you yet?"

At the mention of Remus, Serenity lost control. Tears leaked out of her eyes. She couldn't believe that less that two hours ago the pair of them had been exchanging light kissed while doing their Charms essays.

"What's wrong, _mon cherie_? It's not betrayal unless you enjoy it." Lucius leaned in close and when he spoke his lips brushed her ear. "You did enjoy, didn't you, you little slut?"

Serenity spit at him. Then she threw her head back and . . . screamed.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Lucius steped back, momentarily stunned. Bellatrix laughed and Sirius felt the Impediment Curse lifting. He used Serenity's screaming as a diversion and reached for his wand. _"Stupefy!"_ he yelled at Bellatrix. _"Impedimenta!"_

Sirius grabbed Serenity's hand and they ran out of the bathroom to the common room. Serenity practically flew into Remus' arms and burst into tears. "What happened?" he asked, eyes wide as he held his girlfriend, stroking her hair.

Sirius just shook his head and sank into a chair. There were quite a few people in the common room for a Saturday, as if was raining outside. That helped camouflage the distress the four of them were in. "It's just . . ." He ran a hand through his hair. "I . . ."

"What?" James asked. "It's just what? What the hell happened?" His eyes flashed.

Sirius looked at Serenity, knowing full well that her scream wasn't going to lead up to her speaking again. At least not anytime soon. "She's fine." Sirius said. "Serenity's fine. Nothing happened to her."

Serenity looked up at her brother, her face soaked with tears. "Well," James asked, "what about you? What happened to you?"

_Nothing I didn't ask for. _"Nothing." Sirius lied coolly. "I'm fine." He didn't feel fine. He could hear the razor blade calling to him already. He started up the stairs without another word.

Once inside the dormitory, he locked the door and hurried over to his dress. The razor blade was hidden between the pages twenty-one and twenty-two of a book from the library. He rolled up the sleeve of his robe and gently pressed the blade to his wrist. Tears blurred his vision.

_You're a good-for-nothing! Well, maybe I'm being a little harsh. There _is_ one thing you're good for."_

_"Don't! Please?"_

Sirius gasped as he pressed the blade deeper than he ever had. Blood poured from his wrist, thick like chocolate milk, and dripped onto the floor.

"Sirius!" James yelled, running into the room. He grabbed a sheet from the bed and pressed it to his best friend's wrist. "Sirius, I though you stopped." he said softly.

Sirius didn't look at him. "It was an . . . accident . . . I didn't mean . . . I fucking hate this! I just want it to end!" he yelled, pulling away from James and examining his wrist. "Dying would be easy compared to living."

"You didn't mean that." James said sternly. "Sirius," his voice faltered, "please tell me you don't mean that."

"No, James." Sirius snapped. "I'd much rather have nightmares, watch Serenity cry all the time, feel fucked up about kissing you, deal with the shit that just happened downstairs, and slit my wrists. Life's just one big fucking peach!"

"Sirius . . ." James didn't know where to begin. "You can get a Sleeping Draught from Madame Pomfrey. And stop slitting your wrists. And . . . and what the hell happened to make you come upstairs and fuck yourself up in the first place?"

"None of your damn business, that's what!" Sirius snapped. Then he burst into tears. "I _hate_ him! I never should have . . . I just needed to . . . he was so . . . escape . . ."

"Who's 'he', Sirius?" James asked gently, guiding Sirius to the bed where they both sat down. James picked up his wand and healed Sirius' cut.

Sirius looked at him. "I'm not going to tell you. I don't want you to hate me."

"I won't hate you." James said sincerely. "Honest."

Sirius just shook his head. "I just want to forget about, about _it_, about everything." He closed his eyes. "I just want to sleep, James. Can't you give me that much?"

"How do I know you won't cut yourself again?" came the question.

"You're just going to have to trust me." Sirius replied. James shot him a 'no chance in hell' look. "Fine." Sirius snapped. "Watch me sleep. I don't care, just let me go to bed."_ I don't want to be near you, dammit! You make me feel too fucking much!_

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Sirius wasn't in the dorms when James and Remus woke up the next morning. Nor was he at breakfast or Charms class. James was worried. Sirius had been in the dorms at midnight and then again at six. Sometime between six and seven he must have left.

Sirius was absent during Transfiguration as well. Perhaps that was why McGonagall asked him to stay after class. James tried to pretend he hadn't heard her. He didn't want to betray Sirius. Not only was he afraid of what Sirius would do, he was afraid what anyone else would say if they found out. The gay jokes had finally stopped just a few days before.

"Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asked as James prepared to sneak out with the rest of the class. "A word, please?" James grudgingly walked up to her desk. "Do you know where Mr. Black is?"

"No." James said honestly.

"Do you have any idea where he could be? Did he say anything to suggest he may have run away." She tried to keep the anxiety from her voice, but failed.

_Yeah. He said he wanted to die, so he's probably somewhere bleeding his guts out. _"No idea, Professor. Maybe he's in the hospital wing." James lied, trying to sound calm, as if he wasn't terrified. "he said he felt sick last night. That's all I know."

"You may go, Potter."

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James cut class himself after lunch - Divination - and went up to the dormitory. He poured through Sirius' dresser, looking for anything, some clue that could lead him to Sirius. He found nothing in Sirius' nightstand and that _was_ the clue.

James walked over to his own nightstand and pulled out a mirror. "Sirius Black." he spoke in a shaky voice. There was a quick flash of light and he saw a glimpse of Sirius. "Sirius?"

Sirius looked up, eyes bloodshot. "I didn't think you . . . would try . . . Help."

"Where are you?" James asked. "And what the hell did you do?" He tried to sound angry, stern, but all he succeeded in doing was sounded like a hurt child, which happened to be what he was.

Sirius held his wrist up so James could see it. Several cuts were visible through the blood. He was crying. "I'm sorry. I'll never do it again, I swear. I'll get a Sleeping Potion and I'll throw away my razor blade and I'll do whatever you want. I swear to the gods, James. Just help me, please? I need help."

James bit his bottom lip. "Where are you?"

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James entered the North Tower twenty minutes late. "My dear, I knew you would be rejoining-"

"You." James said, pointing at Remus. "Come with me now." The pair left wordlessly, Remus looking confused, leaving the class and Trewlawney speechless.

"What's up?" Remus asked, wondering if James had found out what the hell was up with Sirius' disappearance.

"Sirius is in the Forbidden Forest." James said. "We have to find him. You're the best in Care of Magical Creatures, so you're helping me find him without getting killed." James said quietly as they snuck past the staff room.

"Why's he in there?" Remus asked, concern in his voice.

James didn't answer.

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James had the mirror out as they walked around the forest. Sirius didn't realize James was still watching him, as he had his head buried in his hands and was sobbing. There was blood all over his jeans and shirt. Remus had taken one look at the image and had gotten sick.

"What the hell is he thinking?" Remus asked after he and James had set off walking again.

"He's not thinking." James softly said. "He's scared. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to cope." He and Remus halted abruptly when they saw the thirteen-year-old sobbing, his back against a tree. "Sirius?"

The raven-haired boy looked up. "James? Remus?" he asked, eyes widening.

James dropped to his knees in front of Sirius. "We're here to help you." He pulled out his wand and performed the same spell he had used on Sirius' wrist yesterday. "Come on."

Remus knelt as well. "Sirius, if we get up to the school now, no one will have to know about this. We'll take care of you."

Sirius wiped furiously at his eyes, leaving streaks of dirt on his face. He struggled to get up and James and Remus helped him. Sirius had lost too much blood. The two other boys were wondering what sort of excuse might work to get a Blood Replenishing Potion from Madame Pomfrey.

If Remus though it odd that James and Sirius were holding hands, he said not a word. The three of them went to the Gryffindor common room where Sirius got his hands washed and his face. James and Remus didn't say much. It was quiet until Sirius burst out in frustration.

"Just say it! Just say looking at me makes you sick and I'm a fucked up idiot for cutting my wrists and that I'm crazy and that you wish you had just left me there and-"

"That's enough!" Remus yelled. "You've done some stupid stuff, but you've been to hell and back. And we don't wish we would have left you there."

Sirius flinched as if Remus had hit him.

"If you haven't noticed," James aid, trying to keep his voice level, "you're the one who keeps pushing us away. We keep coming back."

Sirius blinked away tears. "I'm not worth caring about."

_"You're not worth shit. You're not worth the air you breath. Sure, you can go to school, but you're not going to make any friends. The second they realize what a fucked up little bastard you are, they'll leave."_

"I'm not worth anything." Sirius choked out. "I don't know why you guys care so much. I'm a good-for-nothing. I'm not worth shit."

"Who told you that?" James asked quietly. "Who said you were worthless?" There was a pause, punctured by Sirius' sobs. "Was it your dad?"

Sirius stopped crying and looked up. "Yeah. yeah, it was my dad."

_Can't you see that you lie to yourself?_

_You can't see the world through a mirror._

_It won't be too late when the smoke clears,_

'_Cuz I, I am still here._

_-Avril Lavigne, 'Too Much To Ask'_

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_All right, so what did you guys think. Typing/posting-wise, Chapter Eight is next. Actual writing wise, I'm on Chapter Eleven, which I think will be the last chapter. Before you start crying (or rejoicing) listen. I'm pretty sure this story will be told in at least three parts. I was originally planning on two, one before school and one after, but I don't think that's going to work. Let's just say that the end of Part One: Princess of Silence will leave people with their jaws dropped. _

_The next chapter is going to completely deviate from this chapter. It's going to finally explain the title of the story and where the story(ies) have to go. Beware._

_Here is a preview of CHAPTER EIGHT: BROKEN REPETITION: _

_But repetition was about to be broken. And the reason it had been broken was two sets of eyes. Two pairs of amethyst eyes._

_AND LATER . . ._

_"Firstly, Sabriel is not your triplet. He is about one year younger than the pair of you. Your parents lied to trick the Ministry of Magic into believing a certain prophesy had not occurred."_

_"Prophesy?" Sirius asked blankly. "And Sabriel's not our triplet?" He smiled as a though entered his mind. "Are we _not_ related?"_

_AND EVEN LATER . . ._

_Serenity used hand motions as well as lip synching to convey her message. _'We think we know, but we don't want to jump to conclusions.'

_Remus said nothing._

'You're a werewolf, aren't you?'


	8. Broken Repetition

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Trust me, if I did there would be A LOT more sex than in the books. By the way, sorry it took so long to update. My computer at home is a piece of shit and I can't update from there, so I'm going to try and finish the story on-line before Sunday at 5 pm. So, work with me peoples! The story is finished in long-hand, so all I have to do is type three more chapters then it's time for the sequel. _

_Author's Note: The first half of this chapter is finally going to explain why this story is called 'The Princess of Silence'. I also owe a lot of this 'explanation' to Dan Brown. (Read THE DA VINCI CODE after this chapter, if you want to learn more.) There is, however, some angst in this chapter. No cutting though. Let's press on, shall we?_

CHAPTER EIGHT: BROKEN REPETITION

A month later, Serenity and Sirius were arguing. Again. James and Remus couldn't understand the conversation. Again. James started flirting with Lily. Again. She ignored him. Again.

Repetition. Repetition had been the key to keeping Sirius busy. Repetition had helped to lift his depression. But repetition was about to broken. And the reason it had been broken was two sets of eyes. Two pairs of amethyst eyes.

The reasoning was so vital, Minerva McGonagall made a rare appearance in Gryffindor tower. "Mr. and Miss Black. This way, please."

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"Please, take a seat." Professor Dumbledore said, his blue eyes twinkling. "No, you're not n trouble. I must comment on the fine job you did turning the grounds blue, however. Most-"

Minerva cleared her throat. The headmaster smiled. "Some news had recently fallen into our hands. News about the pair of you."

Serenity and Sirius exchanged looks. "Ummm, sir? Is it . . . bad news?" Sirius asked tentatively.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "That would depend on your outlook, I believe." he said. "Firstly, Sabriel is NOT your triplet. He is about one year younger than the pair of you. Your parents lied to trick the Ministry of Magic into believing a certain prophesy had not occurred."

"Prophesy?" Sirius asked blankly. "And Sabriel's not our triplet?" He smiled as a thought entered his mind. "Are we _not_ related?"

"You are brother and sister, half-siblings." Dumbledore answered. "You're correct surname should not be Black however. Your father's surname was Merovingian." His eyes twinkled. "Ministry officials will be bringing a record of the prophesy for the pair of you to listen to."

"A prophesy that says _what_?" Sirius asked. "It can't just say we have a different dad."

Serenity mad some timid motions. Sirius looked at her. "She says she thinks Mer-Mervinging . . ." He looked at McGonagall with a question mark for a face.

"Merovingian." she supplied.

"Yeah, that. She says she thinks it's French . . . and royal." Sirius said, frowning.

"Merovingian is a bloodline that is, indeed, royal. It started in the fifth century. There is a rather . . . important . . . bloodline that helped _create_ the Merovingian line." Dumbledore paused for a moment, thoughtfully. "A bloodline who male . . . creator . . . was born on 0 A.D."

Minerva cleared her throat. Dumbledore seemed to came back to the present. "Serenity, Sirius. You two are indeed royal. Do either of you pay attention in History of Magic?"

Sirius and Serenity exchanged looks. Even _Lily_ had trouble paying attention in Binn's class. "We read the books, sir." Sirius answered honestly.

"Dumbledore smiled. "Have you ever heard of the Prince and Princess of Essence?"

Sirius started to shake his head. "Wait! Yeah, I think I remember something . . . Aren't they the royalty of the wizarding world? The first royalty since Merlin's daughter?" Sirius looked shocked. He didn't know why he had remembered that.

Dumbledore nodded. "The Prince and Princess of Essence are the first _legitimate_ royalty since Princess Celestina."

"Legitimate? But if Mum was married to Dad . . . They've been married since . . ."

"Since your half brother, Sabriel, was born." Dumbledore said gently. "Your mother was married to Prince Sigisbert Henry Merovingian IV. She did know he was Muggle. He knew _of _the wizarding world and claimed to come from the Rosier family.

"When your mother realized he wasn't a wizard, she left him. She was pregnant with you two, however. A few lies convinced everyone that you two and Sabriel were triplets." Dumbledore shook his head. "The Ministry looked at your birth certificates when reviewing the case. It seems your mother was too worried about disguising you that she forgot to change proper documentation, much to our benefit. You to are the Princes and Princess of Essence."

Sirius burst out laughing. "You're kidding right?" Serenity looked too nervous to laugh.

"I am not 'kidding'." Professor Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "You and Serenity are royalty."

"Right." Sirius said sarcastically. "I'm the Prince of Pranks and she's the Princess of Silence."

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McGonagall and Dumbledore had said not to tell anyone, but Remus and James weren't _anyone_. "Hey, guys." Sirius whispered. He gestured toward the stairs. The people in the common room were so concerned with friends and Gobstones and everything else they never noticed a girl sneaking up to the third year boys' dormitory.

"What's up?" James asked at they all piled onto Sirius' bed. "Is it bad? Is it something about your—"

"No." Sirius said. "It's crazy. Well, Serenity and me . . . we're twins, not triplets. Our dad isn't really our dad and we're fourteen, not thirteen." Sirius frowned at this point. "We lost a whole year of our lives."

Serenity sighed and leaned her hand on Remus' shoulder, taking his hand in hers. He smiled comfortingly at her.

"Anyway, our last name is _supposed_ to be Mer-Merovingian." He stumbled a bit with the pronunciation. "And we're . . we're . . ."

"You're what?" James asked impatiently.

Sirius glared at him. _"Royalty."_

Remus and James looked at each other, then burst out laughing. "Royalty?" James asked. "That's a good one, Sirius."

"I'm not kidding." Sirius said. "I said the same thing, but Dumbledore says it's true. Mer-Merovingian is a royal name. I'm serious, you guys."

Serenity stood up and put her hands on her hips. _'Cut it out.'_ she mouthed. When they didn't, Serenity grabbed Remus' arm and leaned in, a hairsbreadth away from his face. _'Cut it out or I won't kiss your for a month.'_

Remus stopped midlaugh. "Royalty, Serenity? C'mon. You two can come up with something better than that."

"It's true." Sirius protested. "Guys, do you honestly think I would pretend to be a _prince_?" James and Remus exchanged looks. He had a point. "I swear it on my life." Sirius said somberly.

"You're royalty, then." Remus said. "But what exactly are you the royalty of? What do you rule? Britain?"

"We're not exactly sure. Dumbledore said when the people from the Ministry come tomorrow and they bring the prophesy—"

"Hang on." James said. "Ministry? A prophesy? Why would they bring a prophesy? You guys aren't actually going to rule something, are you? Just tell them 'no'."

"Of course, we don't want to rule anything. Are you mad? We're thirteen, I mean fourteen. Damn." Sirius looked at Serenity. "We can't just say 'no'. There's this thing . . . See, if we don't rule, Voldemort stays." James and Remus exchanged looks. Why couldn't Sirius just say You-Know-Who like every other wizard living? "If we do whatever the hell it is we're supposed to do, Voldemort's gone by the time we're twenty. Kind of a no-brainer, James."

James looked taken aback. "Well . . . what is it you're supposed to do anyway?"

Serenity made a few movements and Sirius translated. "She says she doesn't know, but she's damned if she has to wear a dress."

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The Minister of Magic, Millicent Bagnold; Rookwood, an Unspeakable; Angel Pur, and Michael Smith were all in Professor Dumbledore's office when Minerva brought Sirius and Serenity up.

"A question first." Dumbledore said to the twins, after they had sat down. "Do the pair of you wish to keep the surname Black or would you prefer to change in to Merovingian?"

Serenity and Sirius had already discussed this. "We want to change it." Sirius said as his sister nodded.

"When the pair of you are officially present," the Minister started, "will you leave the Ministry running as it presently is?"

"Yeah." Sirius said as if it were the stupidest question he had ever heard. "We don't want to do any more of this sh-stuff than we have to. Sir." he added.

Rookwood pulled a small, dusty spherical object from the inside pocket of his robes and performed a sort of complicated tap wit his wand. A figure that Sirius and Serenity didn't recognize, but who seemed to have the same face as their Divination teacher rose.

_"A PAIR OF TWINS IS BORN TO A MUGGLE PRINCE AND PUREBLOOD WITCH . . . THE DARK LORD IS MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER BEFORE . . . THE TWINS ARE THE PRINCE AND PRINCESS OF ESSENCE . .. THEY HAVE THE CHOICE TO RULE AND DEFEAT THE DARK LORD . . . TO REFUSE IS TO LET HIM CONTINUE HIS REIGN . . . THE ROYAL BLOODLINE MUST NOT DIE OUT . . ."_

That globe was replaced with another, from which Sybil Trewlawney rose.

_"THE PRINCE AND PRINCESS OF ESSENCE ARE BORN. THEY WILL BE DENIED AND BETRAYED. THE PRINCESS OF ESSENCE DOES NOT SPEAK. THEY WILL DEFEAT THE DARK LORD OR PREISH TRING, FOR PAST AGE TWENTY, ONE MUST FALL."_

Sirius looked up. "Professor Trewlawney?" he asked quietly. Dumbledore nodded. Sirius sat for a moment and then spoke. "How do you know it's us?" he asked. "There's go to be more than one set of twins that are boy and girl born around the right time."

"None with purple eyes except you two." Dumbledore said, his own eyes twinkling.

"What do our eyes have to do with anything?" Sirius asked.

"Purple eyes only belong to royalty." Bagnold said. "Anyone with purple eyes is royalty. Those with lavender eyes are illegitimate. Those with amethyst eyes—the same as yours—are legitimate. A pair of eyes that color hasn't been seen since the 14100's. Your father was the last Merovingian of that name. The remaining are all in hiding. You two are the only bearers of that name since your father died."

"So, he died then?" Sirius asked, trying to doge as much of the royalty stuff as much as he could.

Serenity made a few movements. Minerva McGonagall was shocked to realize she understood a few of them. Sirius, however, translated as he always did. "She wants to know what we have to do and if we have to elave school or anything."

"leave school? No, no, no. Of course not. You will have to be presented at the Ministry formally. Then you'll need to study up. You'll need to learn advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts." the Minister said.

_Great._ Serenity thought. _More homework._

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"This bites." Sirius said to Remus and James. Remus was talking to Serenity, however, and not listening to Sirius complain.

Sirius and James were talking about Quidditch when Remus and Serenity stood up to leave. "Where are _you_ going?" Sirius asked, eyes on Remus' hand linked with his sister's.

_'A walk,'_ Serenity mouthed, sticking out her tongue. She grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him from the room. _'He's so annoying.'_

"He cares about you is all." Remus said. "It's not a bad think." He slid an arm around his girlfriend's waist and kissed her temple. "But, yes, he's annoying."

Serenity smiled as they made their way out to the grounds. They settled underneath a tree and started 'talking' about mostly nothing. _'You look sick.'_ Serenity said, concern twinging in her voice.

Remus looked at his girlfriend. Serenity's amethyst eyes were full of worry. "It's nothing." he said, waving off the words with his hand.

_'You always get sick around this time of the month, and you're not female, so something's up.' _Serenity used hand motions as well as lips syncing to convey her sentence. _'We think we know, but we don't want to jump to convulsions.'_

Remus said nothing.

_'You always get sick around . . . well, we think we know, but we don't want to jump to conclusions.'_

Remus said nothing.

_'You're a werewolf, aren't you?'_

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It seemed that Remus and Serenity were fighting. Remus refused to tack to his girlfriend and Serenity was hanging out with Lily and crying in the bathroom when she was supposed to be in class. She forgot about her surname, that Bellatrix might attack her, that Sirius and James were worried. All she thought about was that Remus was mad at her and she wondered if she deserved his anger.

"You need to talk to her." James said. "You can break up with her or make up. You can't just ignore her." Remus ignored him. "What the hell are you guys fighting about anyway?"

_She knows the truth._ Remus usually didn't get angry, and he _never_ resorted to blackmail, but when he felt hot tears pricking his eyes, he lost it. "If you're so damned concerned maybe you could tell me where you and Sirius disappear to for hours on end."

James jerked back as if he had just been slapped. "Fine. I didn't mean to . . . I just wanted to make sure you were okay!" He grabbed his books and stormed out of the library, tears threatening to fall.

Remus buried his head in his arms. _All he wanted to do was help and I drove him away like a fucking prick. I really am a monster._

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Remus hid in the secret passageway behind the mirror on the fourth floor. He refused to go to Gryffindor tower, afraid of his guilty. He simply sat there, biting the insides of his cheeks until they bled and hating himself.

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Serenity was worried. She sat up late and stared at the moon, thinking about everything. What if Remus never forgave her and was her accusation right? What would happen when she was official 'a princess'? What if she and Sirius couldn't defeat You-Know-Who? What did Remus say to James that made him cry? Why did Sirius and James hold hands sometimes? And if they were 'together' or even just gay, why did James ht on Lily? Was it a charade?

Serenity stood up and walked to the wardrobe. She pulled it open, wincing as it creaked, but neither Lily or Natasha moved. She pulled the Marauder's Map from inside her hanging robes. _I solemnly swear I am up to no good._ He was in the secret passage on the fourth floor. She slipped on her robe and slipped out of the dormitory, hurrying to the fourth floor, using the Marauder's Map to avoid Filch, Mrs. Norris, and a certain Slytherin boy. When she finally pulled open the mirror/door, she was surprised to see that Remus was huddled in the corner, knees drawn up to his chest, blood on his bottom lip, face tear-streaked.

"S-Serenity?" he breathed, almost afraid to believe it.

_'We need to talk._'she mouthed, kneeling and taking his hands in hers. _'I don't want you to be mad.'_

Remus wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I fucked up, Serenity. I fucked up big time. With you, with James . . . gods, with everything! Dammit!" Remus yanked his hand from Serenity's grasp and buried his head in his hands. "It's like some fucked up nightmare, Serenity, except I can't fucking wake up!"

Serenity moved in closer to him and kissed the top of his head. _'Love you.'_ Remus wasn't looking at her, but she mouthed the words anyway. _'James'll forgive you . . . with time.'_

"Did he tell you what I did, Serenity?" Remus asked. "I as good as called him a fag. Calling him a fag probably would hve been kinder than what I did." For the first time, Serenity heard Remus cry. "I didn't want to say it. I was just so . . . gods, I don't even know what my fucking problem is! I should have just told you the truth. Then none of this would have happened." Remus looked at his girlfriend. "How upset was James?"

Serenity bit her bottom lip. James had been crying, but did Remus really need to know that? Should she just say he was upset and leave it at that? _'He was upset, but Sirius took care of everything.'_ That was true. Sirius had lead James upstairs, leaving Serenity more alone than she had ever felt; excluded from her friend's grief, an angry boyfriend, a brother who was keeping secrets, and a title she didn't even understand. _'He'll be fine.'_ _Gods, I hope we all will._

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"I-I'm sorry." Remus stammered, his eyes burning from the threat of tears. James looked broken and Remus knew it was his fault. "I shouldn't have said that. It was wrong and I was a jackass." Remus looked at his feet. "I know about you two and I used it and—"

"You know? I mean, of course you _know_, but how did you . . ." James blushed and Remus thought it made him look sweet, innocent.

"You guys hold hands sometimes when you think Serenity and me aren't looking, and I've seen you two kiss a couple times." Remus shook his head. "I really don't care if you two are 'together' or just experimenting or whatever. It doesn't bug me. I should have said what I did and I'm sorry."

"It's okay." James whispered. "I know you didn't mean it."

"The reason Serenity and I were fighting—you know, like you asked me before." James nodded. "Well, Serenity guessed why I disappear three nights a month."

"So, we were right?" James asked, lowering his voice. "You're a werewolf?"

Remus hesitated for a second, then nodded.

"I knew it. Wait until you hear what we've been up to."

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"Moony, Fangs, Padfoot and Prongs." Remus said grinning. "It's got a nice ring to it." He couldn't believe this. In their second year, Sirius, Serenity and James had been so sure Remus was a werewolf they had began studying to come Animagi. They had finally pulled it off.

James was Prongs, a stag. Sirius was a huge bear-like dog named Padfoot, and Serenity was a white cat called Fangs. The three had spied on Sirius using the Marauder's Map and discovered he want to the Shriek Shack during the full moon. On other nights they had looked up werewolf symptoms and discovered Remus had all of them.

"it's going to be awesome, mate." Sirius grinning. "Well, kinda . . ." Sirius realized too late he had just said Remus' transformation nights were 'awesome'.

Remus smiled thought. "I can't believe you guys would do this." He looked at James. Less that twenty-four hours ago, he had made him cry and James still wanted to do this.

For the first time since he had been diagnosed, Remus felt a tremor of hope. Maybe the transformations wouldn't be so bad now. Maybe . . . Serenity caught his eye and smiled.

To hell with 'maybes'. Everything _was _going to be okay.

_We held each other tight_

_Through our hell of dreams_

_I still hear the never ending_

_Echo of those screams._

-10,000 Maniacs

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_So, what did you think? Please R&R because I need the support. Here's the preview for Chapter Nine: Sailing Through the Storm._

CHAPTER NINE: SAILING THROUGH THE STORM

_Sirius' blush deepened. "yeah, but when we were doing _that_, we didn't worry about being gay or straight or anything and now . . . now that he's gone , I have t-to . . ."_

_"To decide your sexuality?" Remus offered._


	9. Sailing Through the Storm

_Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Harry Potter? No, I don't simply because I don't. Ms. Rowling does, but if she wants to share the rights and cash she's more than welcome to._

_This story almost didn't get finished. I had terrible writer's block after the last chapter and I completely destroyed the first draft of this chapter. I hope this one's to your liking. Please R&R._

CHAPTER NINE: SAILING THROUGH THE STORM

In the middle of April, Sirius and Serenity were presented at the Ministry of Magic as the Merovingians. However, if anyone was expecting the twins to live up to their royal titles, they were sorely disappointed. They continued to break the law by becoming unregistered Animagi, break rules with their pranks, and _shatter_ the old detention record.

In May, James a Sirius hit a storm. James developed a thing for Lily. Lily, however, was ignoring all his attempts to 'make' her want him. Sirius was retreating to the dark corners of his mind. James hadn't kissed him in weeks.

Remus grabbed Sirius' hand one evening—when James was flirting with Lily—and whispered in his ear, "Don't. Please, don't. He's just . . . don't cry, Sirius. Don't get depressed."

At that point, Sirius wrenched his hand out of Remus' grasp and stormed out of Gryffindor tower. Remus didn't even need the Marauder's Map to know where Sirius was going. He was in the Gryffindor bleachers, crying. Remus stood ten feet away from him, motionless. What was there to say? Sirius' depression surround him, and _everyone_ was starting to feel it's effects.

"Go away." Sirius said, startling Remus. "I don't want to talk about . . . IT."

"I know you love him, Sirius. It's just—"

"It's not that." The raven-haired boy looked up. "It's just that . . . when we were . . . you know . . ." Sirius blushed.

"Kissing?" Remus asked gently.

Sirius' blush deepened. "Yeah, but when we were doing _that_, we didn't worry about being gay or straight or anything and now . . . now that he's . . . gone, I have t-to . . ."

"To decide your sexuality?" Remus offered.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can't you just leave me alone?" Sirius pleaded. Remus could still see the paths the tears had made as they had run down his face. His eyelashes were damp from them.

"Sirius, you're depressed. I can't leave you alone. If I don't, I don't know what—"

"I'm not going to fuck up my wrists again!" Sirius snapped. "I promised you I wouldn't and I don't break my promises."

"There are other things you could do besides cutting." Remus said softly. "You scare me when you get like this."

"I scare _you?_" Sirius asked incredulously, rising to his feet and glaring at the amber-eyed boy. "I scare myself, Remus." he said coldly. "There's this . . . this . . . _thing_ inside me and all it wants me to do is destroy myself. I song my best friend, fuck some guy wh-who I hardly know, slit my fucking wrists, that fucks you guys up. Everything got harder after I told. The only good thing that came of it was Serenity not getting fucked anymore. I have this and I hate the whole James thing and I hate _me_! I just want to die sometimes, Remus. So don't get me started on this shit. It's not like I _want_ to be a fucked-up, delusional psychopath!" Sirius threaded his hands through his hair, pulling at his locks to keep from crying.

"Hey." Remus said gently. "Don't." He reached out and Sirius pushed him away. "No." Remus took Sirius' hands in his. "It's okay." he whispered. "You can be scared."

A sob escaped from Sirius' throat. "I am. I'm scared."

"Of James?"

"Of everything."

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May would have passed without problem had there been only thirty days in the month. However, the thirty-first rolled around, and with it, Sirius' undoing. Sirius had been trying to get over his 'involvement' with James and had been succeeding, somewhat.

He had been drinking a little bit, but enough to make him tipsy. He wandered out and ran into a pretty Ravenclaw fourth-year named Monique Wood, who was also something of a tramp. Without know exactly _why_, Sirius had sex with her. He had ran back to the dorm and thrown himself onto his bed, sobbing.

James had come upstairs quietly, trying not to scare him. "Sirius? Sirius, what's wrong?" James sat down beside his best friend who was facedown on the bed, crying into the pillow. "Sirius?"

"I don't want to talk to _you_." Sirius mumbled numbly.

"Sirius, this can't be all about the Lily thing." James said exasperatedly. "I know you—"

"It's not." Sirius said shortly. "And I don't want to get into a discussion about your newest snogging partner." he added viciously.

"Sirius . . . sit up and talk to me." Sirius rose, annoyed. "Look, this thing with Lily . . . Is it because it's not you or because it's a girl? Would you care if I was snogging a boy?"

"Yes." Sirius answered. "Are you gay?"

James ran a hand through his hair. "Why?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "Because I just found out I'm gay."

"Is that why you were upset? Sirius, there's nothing wrong with—"

"Being gay? I know." Sirius interjected. "I just found out by fucking Monique Wood."

James' eyes widened. "You _fucked_ Monique Wood? Why?"

"I don't know!" Sirius cried. "I was pissed. I was upset. Everything changed so fast. I didn't want it!" Sirius wasn't crying, but the effort he was using _not_ cry was more depressing than tears would have been. "I _want_ to hate her, but I _can't!_ And I shouldn't."

"Lily?" James asked in a whisper. "But, this can't all . . . this isn't all about . . . Lily? Are you jealous?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not of her. No."

James shook _his_ head. "I don't get it."

"Why am _I_ gay? Why aren't _you_? Do you even like boys?" It was THE QUESTION, the question James had dreaded giving an answer to. No matter which way he answered, he was royally fucked. He was either bi or he was a freak who like to snog his best friend and no other boys.

"I'm bi." James said, his face growing hot. He wanted to be one or the other, gay or straight. It was too weird to want to song Sirius _and_ Lily at the same time. "I-I like you both. I don't know what . . . What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Sirius fidgeted and James knew what was going on in his mind. _Forget Lily. Just kiss me. You love me right? Forget her._ "Did you tell her you're bi?"

"No. Why should I? She's a girl." James said defensively. "She doesn't need to know."

Sirius walked toward the door. "I'm sorry then." he said softly as his hand touched the doorknob. "I should never have kissed you because you didn't want to kiss me."

"What—"

"You're ashamed of it. You wished I had never kissed you because then you wouldn't think about it all the time. You wouldn't have to second guess if you like boys or girls. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you didn't want to kiss me, but I wanted to kiss you, James. I can't take it back and even if I could, I'm not sure I would. That's just the type of heartless bastard I am." Sirius' voice was thick with emotion, but he was still refusing to cry. He had his hand on the doorknob and was preparing to turn it.

"Wait." James whispered. "I-I need to ask you something. I-If you were me . . . If you were bi and you loved a guy and girl both the same, what would you do?" James licked his lips nervously, looking at Sirius with wide eyes.

"I love you." Sirius said. "Lily doesn't. Maybe someday she will and maybe she won't. I need you and she doesn't right now. If you love us both the same, would it hurt to still kiss me?" Sirius turned around. "If I were you, James, I wouldn't choose right now. There's no reason to. I love you." With that, he turned and left.

And James stood there, tears in his eyes, feeling the echo of a kiss that had not occurred, seeing the tears that hadn't been cried, touching his wrists that hadn't been cut, and hating himself for an uncontrollable reason.

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Serenity and Remus broke up on the third of April in the Gryffindor common room around one a.m. When later asked why, neither would be able to recall exactly. It started with snogging, didn't involve sex, and the name Variel had been mentioned.

By their second class the next day—Potions—it was evident neither wanted to be broken up, but both were too stubborn to apologize for whatever the hell it was that had made them break up in the first place. They tried to ignore each other, but every time Serenity heard Remus' voice she would drop something. Every time Remus saw his ex-girlfriend, he would forget what he was doing.

While Remus was in the library doing his homework with Sirius, Serenity snuck up to their dormitory. She knew Sirius had a couple bottle of liquor and she knew where he kept them. She yanked open the door and took a step backward in shock.

James stared up at her over a half empty bottle of bourbon, eyes read from crying. "Serenity?" he whispered, then beckoned her in, gesturing at the three bottles by his feet. A sound halfway between a giggle and a sob escaped his lips.

Serenity sat down beside him and picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels. _'Cheers.'_ The pair knocked the bottles together and drank to misery, to wanting Sirius and Remus. James drank to hating his sexuality and Serenity drank to wanting to speak. Neither drank for protection from impaired judgment, to protection, to fate, to the night.

Perhaps they should have.

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James and Serenity woke up in the same hiding place Serenity had comforted Remus a few short months ago. Neither was naked, but neither was fully clothes. James shirt and shoes were off, he jeans unzipped. Serenity's bra was on top of James' shoe, her shirt was on backwards, and her jeans were off, although her socks and underwear were on.

Neither could remember anything after the first few drunk kisses. Were they virgins? If so, how far _had_ they gone? If not, could Serenity get pregnant? How would they know? What could they do?

Well, both dressed at top speed, sneaking glances at each other. James didn't speak; Serenity didn't mouth any words, not until they were both fully dressed.

_'Truth Potion. Veritaserum. Or a Truth Quill.'_

"But if we don't know—"

_'We'd still have to tell the truth. Since it's questions we should us a potion.' _Serenity mouthed. _'And we should go to class. Don't lie about drinking. Sirius'll know anyway.'_

"All right." James agreed. "You get a recipe for Veritaserum. I'll find out if anyone saw us last night. Meet her at nine?"

Serenity nodded _Oh, gods! What the hell am I going to tell Remus?_

_Oh, gods,_ James thought, _what am I going to tell Sirius if I _did_ sleep with her? 'Hey, mate, I nailed your sister. Did you finished your Potions essay?' Shit!_

_Shit!_ Serenity started biting her nails.

Both left in silence, terrified of what had been and what could be.

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Serenity opted to skip lunch and go look up Truth Potions in the library. Remus found her there, pouring through _Monte le Potions._ "Hey." he said softly.

_'Hi.'_ They stared at each other for a moment, not a sound escaping their lips, then . . ._ 'I'm sorry.'_

"I'm sorry." They both smiled in relief. Remus ran a hand nervously through his hair. "So . . . are we . . ."

Serenity nodded. _'Yeah.'_

"Good, because I didn't want to take this back. It took me ages to find." Remus pulled a small velvet box from the inside pocket of his robes and handed it to his girlfriend. She opened it slowly and pulled out a silver ring set with an amethyst stone. "It's a promise ring."

Serenity smiled and slipped it on her left hand. _'It's beautiful.'_ she mouthed. Then she threw her arms around Remus and kissed him, trying to wish away the guilt from last night, trying to forget what had lead her to the library in the first place.

"I love you, Serenity Merovingian." Remus whispered when they came up for air.

_'I love you, too.'_

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Serenity pulled open the mirror at 8:48, piece of parchment in hand. She had found the spell for Veritaserum, but it would have taken a month to make. The True Testimony Potion would take three days. Veritaserum was most commonly used in criminal trials when the person did not want to reveal the truth. The Truth Testimony Potion was used to remember things forgotten, things you _wanted_ to remember.

James clambered in a few minutes later. It was evident he had been crying. His eyes were red and puffy and his eyelashes were wet from tears. "Did you get it?" he asked. "I heard you and Remus got back together."

Serenity nodded. _'Yeah and yeah. You okay?" _She moved toward him, concern etched in her face.

"No." James answered bluntly. "How long is it going to take to make this potion?"

_'Three days. What's wrong.'_ Serenity folded up the piece of parchment and place it in the inside pocket of her robes.

"Sirius saw us. Can I see the paper?" James asked, refusing to look at the girl he had . . . done something with. He traced his foot in an invisible pattern on the floor.

_'What did he see us doing?'_ Serenity mouthed. She poked James in the arm so he would look at her and se her question _'What did Sirius see us doing?'_

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"What?" Remus asked, turning from Sirius to James and Serenity.

_'We were broken up! We were drunk! It was an accident!' _Serenity's eyes filled with tears and she twisted her promise ring. _'We didn't mean to. I love you.'_

"What happened?" Remus asked, trying to keep the calm in his voice.

James and Serenity exchanged looks. They had practiced the lie several times. "We made out. That's it." he said, looking at the wall behind Sirius.

"Made out with mouths or hands?" Sirius asked, glaring at the pair.

James look at him. "Huh?"

"Did you _touch_ her?" Sirius demanded, getting up out of his seat. He grabbed James' shoulders. "Did you _touch_ her?"

"N-No." James stammered. "We just kissed. That's all, I swear." He felt tears trying to work their way into his eyes for some unknown reason. _Why the fuck do I feel like crying?_

Serenity _was_ crying, looking at Remus through her tears. _'I love you. I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I love you I'm sorry. Iloveyou I'msorry. IloveyouI'msorry.'_

"It's okay." Remus said finally. "You were drunk, we were broken up. It's okay, Serenity. Don't cry." Serenity got up and climbed into his lap, trying to comply with his wish.

James tried to look at Sirius, but his eyes kept stinging. "What do you want?" James asked softly. "Look, I'm sorry, all right? Things got—"

"Why were you drinking? I know why Serenity was drinking, but why were you?" Sirius still had a painful grip on James. His voice was soft and dangerous, but his eyes were murderous. "Why were you drinking?" James could have sworn Sirius' eyes were wet. "Why dammit?!"

It was a good thing no one else was in the common room. "Because . . . I . . . I was upset." James said lamely.

"Not an answer." Sirius snarled. "I want to know why the _FUCK_ you were drinking!"

"Excuse me." a voice said from the stairs. Four heads turned in unison. "That would be my fault." A red-headed girl made her way down the stairs. "I . . . I said some things I shouldn't have and James was, understandably, upset." There was a pause. "Now, you guys are going to wake up the entire tower. If you don't want everyone to know about the drinking and kissing, I would suggest either going to bed or lowering your voices." With that, the Muggle-born turned on her heel and left.

"What did you tell her?" Sirius finally asked after they had all recovered from their momentary shock.

Serenity frowned at her brother as James answered. "The truth. Everything. That I'm, you know, bi. That we . . . kissed. That I like both of you."

"Why?" Sirius rasped, sitting down beside his best friend. "Why?"

Serenity and Remus exchanged looks. "I think it's time for us to leave." he whispered. She nodded and the pair crept tot heir separate dormitories. James and Sirius never even noticed.

"I told her because . . . well, it's me. And if she _does_ like me later like you said, I want he to like _me_, not just who I pretended to be for her. I wanted her to know." James leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. "I don't want to be scared of people find out out anymore. I don't want to be scared, Sirius."

"You get scared, too?" Sirius breathed, grabbing James' hand.

"All the time." The pair sat there for about an hour, unmoving, silent. Then, James kissed Sirius. "We should got to bed."

"Yeah."

"Sirius, I don't get scared as much when we're not mad." James confided as they walked up the stairs.

"I do."

"That's okay. I love you anyway."

"Love you, too."

_He looks for the answer_

_Down in his heart_

_While demons and angels_

_Tear him apart._

_-Diamond Rio, "Demons and Angels"_

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_So, what did you guys think? Only two more chapters to post. Please R&R. I did a lot more with personal stuff that I did in the last chapter. I'm bipolar. Can you tell?_

_The next chapter deals with more of the supernatural stuff, like the prince and princess stuff. Luvverzz!!!_

_Here is a preview of the next chapter:_

CHAPTER TEN: JUNE'S HARVEST

_June. The month came in with a thunderstorm, perhaps an omen of things to come._

AND LATER . . .

_Serenity grabbed her wand and reached for the door handle. James grabbed her arm, terrified. "Don't." he whispered. "you can't."_

'My fault.'_ she mouthed. _'My fault.'

AND EVEN LATER . . .

_Sirius shot a questioning look at her. "And what does this—"_

_"I'm getting there." Mrs. Montgomery's voice was sharp. "Did anyone teach you children should be seen and not heard?"_


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